Just when I said that the slow summer gossip season had begun, The Sun just had to cause Tumblr to flood with the tears of Hiddlestoners by posting a bunch of pictures of Tom Hiddleston sucking the Easy Bake Oven strawberry tart glaze off of Taylor Swift’s lips.
Taylor took off her Claddagh promise ring from Calvin Harris just took weeks ago, and today The Sun posted a bunch of pictures of her getting on Tumblr’s panty pudding-summoning prince on the beach near her mansion in Watch Hill, Rhode Island. Calvin Harris also unfollowed Tay Tay on all his social media accounts and deleted any posts featuring her face. That may or may not mean that Tom should expect to be welcomed into The Home Wreckers Club by Sienna Miller. Finally Taylor did something right by giving us a SCANDAL!
At the Met Gala last month, Tay Tay and Tom were caught dancing together like two constipated chickens on crack. Of course, the tabloids said that the two were flirting and most of us laughed at the idea of them becoming a thing. But I guess Tom’s publicist and Taylor’s publicist got together and made that rumor come true!
A source (aka Taylor’s cat Olivia Benson) tells The Sun that Tom has been trying to get with Taylor ever since they met at the Met Gala. He sent her flowers and it worked. But another source tells E! News that they’re just keeping it casual right now:
“Taylor is hanging out with Tom. Nothing serious is going on but she is talking to him. They have been out a few times she really enjoys his company. She is not looking to jump into anything this fast, but will take things as it goes nice and slowly.”
I’m guessing “taking things slowly” means that she hasn’t picked out her wedding dress yet, but she’s already written half a dozen songs about him, chosen the outfit she’ll wear when they make their Instagram debut and braided herself a bracelet out of his pubes.
We all need a laugh lately, so go to The Sun to see all the hilarious pictures of HiddleSwift on the beach. Those pictures look about as genuine and spontaneous as Taylor and Jake Gyllenhaal’s totally not-staged couples photo shoot. Those pictures of HiddleSwift look like stills from the worst Nicholas Sparks movie ever. I love it all.