If The Definition Of A Question Mark Was A Dress, It’d Look Like This

June 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Cate Blanchett was at the Tony Awards in NYC last night, because she’s making her Broadway debut later this year in a show that isn’t Hamilton. (I know, why are other shows even bothering?) Judging by that butchered-up look on Cate Blanchett’s body, I’m guessing that she was also there, because she knew that most thi-turr people play it safe by wearing the most boring dress at Lord & Taylor, so she needed to give the public something that’ll hurt their eyeballs and make their retinas curl. Thank you, Cate!

They tell me that Cate Blanchett’s “dress” (for lack of a better word) was made by Louis Vuitton. Louis Vuitton must be trying to cut costs IN THIS ECONOMY, because that dress thing looks like it was made by a bunch of hyperactive child interns using staples, a glue gun, fabric scraps and shit found in a random lady’s dirty laundry basket. That trash heap of an outfit looks like something you’d throw together if an earthquake hit while you were sleeping clit-out naked in your bed. You know, you’d grab a bra and a sweatshirt off of the floor, throw ’em on and then yank down one of your curtains before wrapping it around your waist as you ran outside. It looks like a goth dry cleaning place shat up all over Cate. It looks like Cate had plans to go to a spin class, an S&M party and the opera all in one night, and she didn’t have time to change in between, so she just wore that Frankenstein’s monster of a dress.

What I’m trying to say is that I love it! But it still wasn’t my favorite look of the night. That title goes to Judith Light Of My Life who brought the glamour (and apparently, a dead red turkey too):

judithlightposingoscars

That “six-time married countess widow at her sixth husband’s funeral” look IS the look, but Judith’s pose is what really takes me higher. That pose clearly says, “Let me get a better look at your eyes filling with flames of jealousy over my beauty.” That pose tells me that Judith Light obviously got her masters in posing at Barbizon.

And here’s more looks from the Tonys including Lupita Nyong’o, Jane Krakowski, the snobbiest Death Eater (Anna Wintour), Felicity, Jessica Lange and Candy Spelling who came dressed like a half-off pink Fabergé egg.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

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