Take Cover! Hulk Hogan Is Going To Shoot Out An Orange Stream Of Excitement In 3…2…

June 10, 2016 / Posted by:

No. Nude pictures of Brooke Hogan didn’t leak. Gawker filed for bankruptcy.

Back in March, Hulk Hogan won a total of around $140 million after a jury decided that Gawker Media was in the wrong and violated his privacy by posting clips of a heave-inducing sex tape he unknowingly made with his friend’s then-wife Heather Clem. Gawker’s lawyers responded by asking the judge to reduce the settlement or issue a stay to give them time to appeal the decision. Judge Pamela Campbell didn’t shrink that $140.1 million settlement, but this morning, she granted Gawker a stay. Politico reports that Gawker responded to that by filing for Chapter 11, which means the entire company (including all of its sites like Gawker, Jezebel, Gizmodo and others) is going to be auctioned off to the highest bidder.

Okay, so Hulk Hogan is probably not excitedly screaming, “Boo ya, brother!“, while shooting out a river of lukewarm Butterfinger milk from his flame-broiled peen slit. He’s not doing that yet, anyway. Gawker filed for bankruptcy protection so that Hulk can’t seize their assets as they fight the $140.1 million judgement in appeals court. Gawker plans to keep posting as usual.

The auction has already started, and Politico says that the owner of PC Mag has already put in an opening bid of at least $90 million. Other bids are expected to come in.

The entire Hulk Hogan vs. Gawker battle became a Dynasty storyline when it came out that evil gay Silicon Valley billionaire Peter Thiel spent around $10 million bankrolling Hulk’s defense. Peter Thiel admitted that he has funded several lawsuits against Gawker ever since they wrote about him liking peen in 2007. Peter also said that he’s tired of Gawker “destroying the lives” of his friends and peers, and he has vowed to get REVENGE and destroy them!

Gawker’s owner Nick Denton tweeted that they will fight that evil gay billionaire until the very end:

I have a feeling that Lord Byron was actually psychic and he came up with the phrase, “truth is stranger than fiction,” after he looked into the future and learned that a gay billionaire villain would team up with a wrestling piece of charbroiled pork fat to destroy a blog company for not liking what they wrote about him and his friends. Dlisted is a zillion times smaller than Gawker, but I should still be scared that someone I’ve talked shit about is going to get Shauna Sand to sue us for slander for the time I called her “one of the most gorgeous beings in the world.” She’d definitely win, because she isn’t “one of the most gorgeous beings in the world,” she is the singular most gorgeous being in the world. The jury would award her Dlisted’s full worth: a half-used bottle of ass lube and a used cum rag, and I’d fight for that half-used bottle of lube and used cum rag until the very end!

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