I Guess This Is The Kind Of Shit That Happens When You’re Married To THE QUEEN!

June 10, 2016 / Posted by:

Today is the 95th birthday of Prince Philip, the British royal family’s messiest old coot, so everyone in England should be celebrating his special day by airing out their huevos or chochas in a kilt while offending people and cursing tricks out. But that’s not happening, because everyone is too busy celebrating the anniversary of THE QUEEN’s born day again. Prince Hot Ginge’s abuelita turned 90 in April, but when you come out of a royal cooch with a tiara on your head, you get two birthday celebrations.

The BBC says that yeah, THE QUEEN gets to celebrate on her actual birthday, but her “official” birthday is tomorrow, June 11. The BBC says that over 250 years ago, the two birthday tradition started, because the royals didn’t want to freeze their royal jewels off in the cold during their outdoor birthday celebrations. So if they’re not born in a warm month, they can celebrate their birthday in the summer.

Yahoo! News says that THE QUEEN’s 3-day 90th birthday celebration started off today with a service at St. Paul’s Cathedral, which brought out her family members including Prince Hot Ginge and a bunch of others nobody really cares about. Tomorrow, the Trooping the Color parade will happen and on Sunday, a lunch in front of the palace will be held in THE QUEEN’s honor. As for THE QUEEN’s man…

Well, Prince Philip got a 41-gun salute this morning. Yeah, THE QUEEN gets a lavish 3-day event which includes a damn parade and Prince Philip gets a gun show. But I’m sure that at THE QUEEN’s one of many opulent parties tonight, she’ll instruct one of her servants (Camilla) to cut off a tiny piece of her 6-tier, gold frosting-covered cake and give it to her man with a candle on it. She’ll then order a few of her less-favorite Corgis and staff to go into the kitchen and quietly sing happy birthday to him as everyone else bows down to her in the ballroom.

But really, you can get all Morrissey if you want and say that the royal family are scroungers who would suck a fart out of a taxpayer’s ass and claim it as their own if they could, but celebrating THE QUEEN and Prince Philip’s birthdays on the same day is a smart move IN THIS ECONOMY. My mom’s side of the family is bigger than the population of Guam, so there were a lot of birthdays to celebrate. To save money and save everyone from dragging themselves to a party every weekend, we sometimes celebrated several birthdays at once. So every cousin who had a birthday in June celebrated with a party on the same Saturday. You know, like the way your office does birthdays. We had to share one cake and they put all of are names on it. One time, they put my name as “Mike” on the cake and when I asked about it, my tia said, “There’s only so much room on a cake! Shut up and get yourself a piece. I’ll even let you have one with a flower on it.

I really hope that the piece THE QUEEN cuts for Prince Philip has a flower on it.

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

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