Earlier I posted pieces from an interview that the 22-year-old out and proud star of The Real O’Neals did with Vulture, and I was about to start the stopwatch on my iPhone to see how long before ABC’s PR team and Bryan Singer’s lawyers got to him and made him spit out apologies. Not even a day.
During his talk with Vulture, Noah Galvin acted like you and me after our 6th screwdriver at brunch (okay, we’d say similar shit sober). Noah dragged Colton Haynes for his “pussy bullshit” coming out, said he wants nothing to do with Bryan Singer’s boy diddlin’ pool parties and said that Eric Stonestreet’s character on Modern Family is a stereotype wrapped in a stereotype. Earlier on Twitter, Noah applauded someone who thanked him for being a “breath of fresh air” by being so outspoken. But it seems like lawyers, managers, publicists and TV executives got a hold of him and installed a filter in his mouth.
Noah tweeted out apologies to pretty much everyone. Noah started with Bryan Singer. This reads like it was copy + pasted directly from an e-mail that his lawyer sent him with the subject: TWEET THIS NOW! Noah may as well have just written: “Dear Boy Diddler, I mean Bryan, please don’t sue me, I just got on TV, bitch!”
I sincerely apologize to Bryan Singer for the horrible statement I made about him in the interview I gave to New York Magazine. My comments were false and unwarranted. It was irresponsible and stupid of me to make those allegations against Bryan, and I deeply regret doing so. I have never been to Bryan’s house, and I admit there is no basis for any of the things I said or implied about Bryan in that interview. I understand now that my statements were not at all funny and have serious implications. I am very sorry and I hope Bryan and everyone else who read that interview can forgive me for my serious lapse in judgement. I have contacted New York Magazine and the other publications that republished my statements and asked them all to print this retraction and apology.
And he continued to apologize his way out of the network sending his character “away“:
The entire interview I gave to Vulture has hurt the LGBTQ community and the industry I feel truly fortunate to be a part of. My only intention was to try and empower and promote honesty, but I fully understand that the comments I made were brazen and hurtful. To Colton Haynes and to the LGBTQ youth, especially those who have embraced our show, I have no right to dictate how or when anybody comes out of the closet; I know how difficult and scary the process of coming out can be, and the last thing I would ever want to do is make it scarier. For anyone. Lastly, as I said in the interview, I think Eric Stonestreet is a wonderful actor. I apologize to everyone that I’ve hurt with my comments and understand the damage that has been done. I am new to this and will certainly commit to being more thoughtful and wiser as I navigate all of this moving forward.
I’m sure that somewhere in the storm of calls from lawyers, his manager, his agents and producers, Katherine Heigl also called and sympathetically told him that she currently owns the kitty litter commercial game, but she’d gladly put him in touch with a casting agent who is looking for someone to star in commercials for a new line of doogy poop bags. Please, like she’d do that. She’d take that job and check for herself!
UPDATE: Colton Pussy Haynes responded to Noah Galvin:
Two things: 1. I love that he just had to let us know that his coming out article in Entertainment Weekly was three pages! 2. “You’re young kid” said the 27-year-old to the 22-year-old.