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June 9, 2016 / Posted by:

Frookie!

The 80s seemed to be all about diet fads and diet this and diet that, and when we got into the 90s, everything became about health and more health. It was like that in my mom’s house anyway, and it’s still like that, which is why she throws me a, “Why don’t you just eat a deep fried cancerous tumor stuffed with heroin?” look every time I stroll in with a McDonald’s bag.

My mom started to healthy-ize our kitchen cabinets and refrigerator in the late 80s, so everything became whole wheat 18 grains and seeds bread, nonfat milk, carob bars, carrot sticks instead of chips and Grape Nuts (which I sweetened up myself with maple syrup and cinnamon. I know, no wonder I snort lines of processed sugar every time I think of my childhood!!!!). We only got candy, cake and ice cream as a special treat, so fruit (and whole wheat cinnamon toast we made ourselves) was pretty much our dessert. I don’t think I ever had a Frookie, which surprises me, because it’s something my mom would’ve been all about. Either they didn’t carry it at her Stater Bros. or that shit was too expensive, or both!

Frookie was a line of cookies that came out before SnackWell’s in the early 90s. They were called “Frookie” because they were fruity cookies. (“Frookie” also sounds like a cutesy nickname that a chick would call her coochie.) They were like Mother Nature’s butt nuggets, because they were all-natural and were sweetened with fruit juice instead of white sugar. There’s a billion cookies like that today, but back then, Frookie tried to hit the mainstream. This article in New Hope says that people bought Frookies at first, but sales eventually hit the shit can and they were gone by 1997.

I’ve been trying to put healthier things in my mouth for the past few years (HAHAHAHA), so I’d totally eat a Frookie now. Yes, I’d take one bite and immediately dip it in Hershey’s syrup and roll it in sugar and churro bits, but I’d still eat it. And if Frookie was still around today, Fred Durst could make some money by doing it’s new jingle: “I did it all for the Frookie.”

Pic: Flickr

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