Seen above looking like a young Donald Trump after a meth binge and a failed body wave perm while leaving a Los Angeles courthouse last June, 22-year-old Conrad Hilton was back in front of a judge yesterday for messing up the terms of his parole AGAIN. Conrad isn’t supposed to put the good shit or the bad shit in his body, but he admitted to the judge that he’s done both. Seeing as though the California justice system seems to be allergic to punishing rich and famous-esque tricks, it’s shocking that the judge didn’t just say, “Awww, that’s okay boo, your punishment is that you can’t go to The Nice Guy 4 nights a week. I would say 5 nights, but that would be cruel and unusual punishment!” The judge sentenced Parasite Hilton’s younger brother to 2 months in the clink.
Conrad’s latest troubles with the law all started in 2014 when he busted out a King Joffrey-approved spoiled shit head tantrum on a British Airways flight. Conrad apparently punched at the bulkhead, screamed, “I am going to fucking kill you,” at the flight attendants and called everyone on the plane “peasants.” Conrad plead guilty to making threats against flight attendants and passengers, and got parole. Conrad first violated his parole when he got an F- on several drug tests in January of this year. The judge ordered him to 90 days in a substance abuse treatment center. Conrad must’ve failed yet another drug test, because People says that he was ordered to show his face in front of a judge yesterday. He admitted to the judge that he had used weed, synthetic weed and coke. The judge punished him with a 2 month prison sentence. He has until tomorrow, Wednesday, to turn his ass in.
I’m not defending Wonky’s brother, but I am throwing a level 10, eye muscle-tearing side-eye over him getting 2 months in prison for failing a few drug tests and throwing a hissy fit on a plane while that ex-Stanford swimmer got only 6 months for rape. But I doubt Conrad will serve more than 20 minutes, let alone 2 months. Conrad will arrive at the detention center, where an escort will take him to the VIP check-in area and they’ll take his fingerprints using imported squid ink and he’ll get to pick which Snapchat filer he wants before getting a new mug shot taken. Then, they’ll take him to the green room where he’ll be served a hot latte and kiki with a few guards who knew his sister when she was in jail. Once he finishes his latte, they’ll declare the place overcrowded and give him a gift bag (with a souvenir orange jumpsuit in it) before whisking him off to his waiting limo. I know, I’m being ridiculous as usual. Lattes takes a minute to make, so Conrad will be in there for 25, not 20, minutes max!