“Oh fuck my nerves with a butter knife dipped in acid, she’s about to have another thought…” – that dude on the right
Anyone who has been lucky enough to use their brain to ingest at least one Megan Fox interview knows that she is a never-ending fountain of wisdom, and melted plastic, but mostly wisdom. And on Jimmy Kimmel Live! (via E!) last night, Megan said that the unborn baby growing in her body has definitely inherited her super genius gene, because it has told her that it’s either going to be a Nazi rocket maker or an electric car mogul. Megan’s third baby also told her to move houses. Somewhere, scientists studying the long-term effects of Botox use have added, “hearing fetus voices,” to the list of shit to look into.
When Professor Megan Fox said that her unborn baby told her to move houses, I immediately pictured Brian Austin Green hiding behind a potted plant and using a super genius fetus voice to say, “Mommy, I don’t like this house. Daddy’s video game room is too small and doesn’t have a sunken hot tub in it. That makes fetus sad. I want to move houses and I used my super genius powers to leave a copy of the listing of the house I want on your nightstand. Buy it now! P.S. – Up daddy’s allowance.” But Megan says that she doesn’t hear her unborn baby’s voice. She just gets a feeling:
“You don’t hear an audible voice, but I feel like you receive messages from the child if you’re open to it. For instance, this baby wanted me to live somewhere else, so we’re moving to a whole different place in Los Angeles because I feel like that’s where this baby wants to be raised.”
I also feel like this baby is telling me it’s kind of like a Wernher von Braun or an Elon Musk, like a super genius.”
Megan also says that BAG goes with it, and not because she has all the money, but because the higher self inside of her has never done them wrong:
“He trusts me at this point because I’ve made so many good calls. I know it sounds crazy, like I’m a lunatic, but I’ve made some really good decisions based on what I think the higher self is telling me to do. So, now he just goes along with it.”
Either Megan needs to switch her strain or her higher self needs to switch its strain, because doing a second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie is the exact opposite of a good decision.
Sure, it’s a cute, little, crazy story when a world-renowned philosopher says on a talk show that her fetus speaks to her and has told her it’s a super genius. But if you were knocked up and said that out loud, you’d be drug tested by doctors before being dragged to a mental hospital to be treated for schizophrenia!
And here’s the fetus whisperer leaving Jimmy Kimmel Live! yesterday: