Archives: June 2016

Night Crumbs

June 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Rihanna and Drake were seen leaving a nightclub called Tramp in London last night just seconds after each other, which means it’s only a matter of time before the rumors start up that they’re doing each other again. But what is really important here is…there’s a club in London called Tramp?  – Lainey Gossip

Classless and Immature” totally sounds like a reality show that would air on Bravo – Reality Tea

A Hollywood stylist has slapped back at Leslie Jones for tweeting that nobody would dress her for the Ghostbusters premiere – Celebitchy

I bet they give out samples of this in the bathroom at that Tramp club – WWTDD

John Cena brought the John Cena meme to life and surprised a bunch of fans by busting through a wall. I’d totally let John Cena bust through my – you know what, I’ll stop – Hollywood Tuna

Either Khloe shrank Kim Kardashian’s butt pads in the wash, or Kim’s ass has gotten bigger – The Superficial

Kate Hudson’s got her ass out on Instagram again – Drunken Stepfather

I honestly have no idea what the hell is going on with Gigi Hadid’s look in these pictures – Popoholic

You know you’re a simple kind of simple when your favorite video of the day is of someone pouring tie-dye icing on a cake – Popsugar

Here’s Rihanna serving up some alien princess-at-Burning Man realness in the video for that song she recorded for the new Star Trek movie – OMG Blog

That Disney Channel person named Debby Ryan was given three years probation for that DUI she got back in April – Just Jared

The Pentagon has lifted the ban on trans soldiers serving openly in the military – Towleroad

Dame Judi Dench’s daughter gave her a tattoo for her birthday. If you’re hoping to see a picture of Dame Judi Dench with a super-classy “Slippery When Wet” tramp stamp. I’m afraid you’re going to be very disappointed – Jezebel

Here’s the trailer for Sully, which isn’t a biopic about Sully and Denise from SNLHuffington Post

I’m shocked – SHOCKED – that Mother’s Day isn’t on this list – Pajiba

So basically what I’m getting from this is that when you take the music out of the pottery wheel scene from Ghost, you end up with a high-budget ASMR video – SOW

Things to make you feel old: Madonna’s True Blue was released 30 years ago today – Boy Culture

Jennifer Aniston: still not a huge fan of bras – Egotastic

Pics: Splash

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Zac Efron Says He’d Love To De-Buff For A Role

June 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Based on some very in-depth research (ie. me staring at pictures of his extra-ripped action figure body for ten minutes), I have estimated that Zac Efron’s body is approximately 106% muscle. I know that technically the most muscle a human body could be made up of is 100%, but look at him. He’s clearly storing a whole bunch of extra muscles behind his other muscles. However, don’t think this jacked-up version of Zac Efron will be around forever. There is the possibility that one day you will see a shirtless picture of Zac Efron, and his body will be missing a matching set of bulgy biceps, a pair of plump titties, a washboard upper-crotch area, and whatever those weird muscles are on the side of your body that look like a litter of sleeping puppies.

While walking the red carpet for his latest movie, Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates, earlier today, Zac Efron confessed to UsWeekly that he’d be willing to say goodbye to his rock-hard body and get heavy for the right role.

“I would love to gain 30 pounds and play an aging rock star. That’d be an awesome transformation.”

Somewhere, Axl Rose heard the words “gain pounds” and “aging rock star” and whispered: “He better not be talking about me.

I would love to see science figure out a way to make Zac Efron gain weight. I don’t think it’s possible. I’m pretty sure that any calories that go in are instantly burned up the second they attempt to make their way through the Spartan Race that is his abs.

Here are some picture of Zac Efron from the premiere of Mike and Dave with most of his body covered up by a suit. I see he’s still working that Mark McGrath-circa 1997 hair. Also included are some pictures of Adam DeVine riding Zac (not like that), as well as Aubrey Plaza and Anna Kendrick.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Gwyneth Paltrow Is Shocked That She Once Made The No. 1 Spot On A “Most-Hated Celebrity” List

June 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Okay, but on the upside, I was voted ‘most’, which is sort of like saying ‘best’, right? You go girl, still the best! Looks like someone is treating themselves to a hand-squeezed imported Kabosu mimosa. I deserve it.

April 2013 was a real roller coaster for Gwyneth Paltrow’s precious gluten-free ego. While one magazine pressed their lips firmly against her freshly-steamed butt hole and proclaimed her to be the World’s Most Beautiful Woman, another one was crowning her to be the Most Hated Celebrity. I guess Star magazine needed a break from staring at the best and worst beach bodies, because in April of 2013, they released a totally arbitrary list of the 20 Most Hated Celebrities. And coming in at the number one spot was everybody’s favorite actor-turned-professional lifestyle snob Gwyneth Paltrow.

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Open Post: Hosted By A Hair-Pulling, Chair-Throwing Messy Brawl Over Chips & Salsa

June 30, 2016 / Posted by:

This takes “Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me” to brand new levels of full-blown fuckery!

Eater brings us this video of a messy tornado of buffoonery and ridiculousness that swept through El Paisano Mexican Restaurant in Dallas at 2:30 on Saturday morning. Isael Rojas, who shot the video, says that the brawl all started over a basket of chips and salsa. Hell hath no fury like a drunk mess whose chips and salsa get fucked with.

When the video starts, a group of chicks are spitting out fighting words at one another and that leads to some hair pulling, which leads to a bunch of bros trying to break them up, which leads to the bros going all-out crazy on each other. I’m going to take a wild guess and say that booze co-produced this fight, because well, it’s 2:30am at a taco place and it looks like some of those dudes are seeing double. They’re punching the air instead of each other. But in their defense, they’re punching that air hard!

Here’s the entire video and it has everything: dramatic screaming, high chair-throwing, slipping and sliding, and a quick getaway in a cartoon car. This video is best viewed on mute while blasting the Benny Hill theme song.

MySanAntonio says that nobody was arrested and no injuries were reported. That’s insane that nobody was arrested, because everybody who wasn’t involved in that busted down brawl should’ve joined together and citizen’s arrested all of them for fucking with their food. I’m sure they had to wait longer for it thanks to those crazies. It should be a federal crime to get between a trick and their post-bar nachos.

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Louis Tomlinson Wants 50/50 Custody Of His Baby

June 30, 2016 / Posted by:

As luck would have it, I’m once again the goddamned Pied Piper of baby stories. Usually it’s about someone pushing one out, but today I get to tell you all about some baby mess. No, I won’t be talking about barf and the shits, as much as I’d like to. We’re talking custody! And, well, kind of babies fighting for custody of a baby, because Louis Tomlinson and his babymama Briana Jungwirth are basically still chirruns. (Note from Allison: Louis is actually 24 years old, to which I say: “Whaaaat?“).

TMZ is saying that shit is about to get all kinds of legal for these two and their baby, Freddie Reign. Louis has reportedly had it up to here (the here is the top of the playpen, the highest point he can reach wid his widdle hand) with Briana denying him access to Freddie. Source types are saying Briana has been “inconsistent” with letting Louis spend time with Freddie, despite him dropping $15k into her bank account every month and getting her and the baby a house in Calabasas.

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Lisa Marie Presley’s Latest Divorce Is Getting A Little Messy

June 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Two days ago we found out that Lisa Marie Presley had gone ahead and filed for divorce from her off-brand Tom Petty-looking husband of 10 years, Michael Lockwood. At the time, all we really knew was that she cited “irreconcilable differences” and that she wanted full custody of their 7-year-old twin daughters. Well, TMZ thinks they might have solved the mystery of what killed Lisa Marie’s fourth marriage. And it looks like the main culprit is a whole bunch of missing money.

According to Lisa Marie’s lawyer, Ron Litz, when Lisa Marie and Michael first got together, she let him handle all the finances. Uh oh, I can already see where this is going. Michael kept track of all the money, which is included all the cash coming in from Elvis Presley’s estate. When things started heading south in their marriage, Lisa Marie got suspicious of Michael and decided to take a magnifying glass to their financial situation. That’s when she discovered that a whole lot of money was missing, but she couldn’t tell where it all went.

Another discovery she made was a $109,000 American Express bill. Not long after she found out about the bill, AmEx sued her. TMZ doesn’t say why they sued her, but I’m guessing it was probably an overdue bill and they wanted to get paid. Lisa Marie currently has her legal team working on a forensic audit to determine what in the hell Michael spent $109,000 on, as well as where the rest of the money that vanished during their marriage went.

Michael could be in trouble. According to the postnup they signed after they got married, all of Lisa Marie’s Elvis money is hers and hers alone.

Lisa Marie doesn’t have to hire a team of experts to track down where her money went. I can tell you where that money went: HATS. Michael clearly spent all the money on stupid hats, Lisa. And whatever he didn’t spend on hats, he spent on those Stone Temple Steampunk outfits. You’d think Lisa would have figured something was up once she realized her side of the closet was slowly being taken over by his corny rock star clothes. “I don’t really know what you do for a job, but you sure do seem to have a lot of new custom-made leopard print jackets lately.

Pic: Wenn.com

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