I wasn’t even aware that Jena Malone was pregnant. Or maybe I did know that, but I can only remember a certain amount of famous knocked-up people news and I decided to reserve it all for Courtney Stodden’s pregnancy. 31-year-old Jena Malone announced today on Instagram that she has given birth to her first child, a son, she made with artist/photographer boyfriend Ethan DeLorenzo.
“The best weekend of our lives!!! What an incredible blessing to be chosen by this amazing, kind, gentle and beautiful soul to be his parents. Humbled and in complete awe that we get to experience the most ancient and transcendent love that exists.
Thank you Ode Mountain DeLorenzo Malone.”
“Ancient and transcendent love“? That sounds like a birth announcement written by someone who presses their own turmeric milk because they can’t be guaranteed that the bottled stuff at the co-op hasn’t come into contact with a yuppie’s filthy normie hands. With that being said, that completely explains that name. Let’s forget for a second that “Ode Mountain” sounds like how Nicole Kidman would pronounce Cold Mountain if she had some leftover Botox freezing in her sinuses. Ode Mountain sounds like a company started by two guys from Colorado who met at a Phish concert that makes 100% organic cruelty-free camping tarps and sleeping bags (cruelty free because they’re sewn in a way that doesn’t traumatize the ground when you sleep on it).
I do feel sort of bad though. Soleil Moon Frye was probably going to name a future child Ode Mountain, and now she has to cross that name off her list.
Here’s a pregnant Jenna and her boyfriend Ethan DeLorean at a fashion show back in February.