Michael Bay Is A Douche: Part 4,500,999

May 31, 2016 / Posted by:

Kate Beckinsale was on The Graham Norton Show (via People) over the weekend, and she got into what it was like working with zen dildo in linen pants Michael Bay on the movie Pearl Harbor. Kate said that when Michael Bay took one look at her, he basically malfunctioned before going, “Tits too small, hair too brown, does not compute!”

Kate says that Michael was confused by her the same way Mama June is confused by broccoli that isn’t covered with cheese and bacon bits, and that she was told she had to get hot body ready if she got the part of a 1940s nurse.

I don’t think I fit the type of actress Michael Bay had met before. I think he was baffled by me because my boobs weren’t bigger than my head and I wasn’t blond.

I’d just had my daughter and had lost weight … but I was told that if I got the part, I’d have to work out. And I just didn’t understand why a 1940s nurse would do that.”

Oh, shut up, Kate! If you did your research you would know that most 1940s nurses spent their off hours at spin class, and for dinner they only had a cup of Flat Tummy Tea and slept with a waist trainer on. How dare she question an esteemed cinematic auteur like Michael Bay.

Kate also said that during the press tour, Michael regularly told reporters that he cast her in the female lead because men wouldn’t have to ask the movie theater manager for a refund after their wives exploded with jealousy over seeing a gorgeous beauty on screen!

“When we were promoting the film, Michael was asked why he had chosen Ben [Affleck] and Josh [Hartnett], and he said, ‘I have worked with Ben before and I love him, and Josh is so manly and a wonderful actor’. Then when he was asked about me, he’d say, ‘Kate wasn’t so attractive that she would alienate the female audience. He kept saying it everywhere we went, and we went to a lot of places.”

Kate wasn’t lying, because Michael Bay said this about her to Movieline in 2001:

“I didn’t want someone who was too beautiful. Women feel disturbed when they see someone’s too pretty. I’m not saying Kate’s not pretty. When you look at Titanic, Kate Winslet is pretty, but not overwhelmingly beautiful.”

Michael Bay may be an overused anal bead, but he really is looking out for you women and your women feelings. (Side note: “Disturbed By My Beauty” is a really good title for Shauna Sand’s memoirs) But really, this also explains why a lot of Michael Bay movies are explosion-filled shit shows. He must do that on purpose so that he doesn’t alienate us viewers with his magnificent high-art filmmaking skills. That must be it.

And here’s Kate Beckinsale at the Dior cruise show at Blenheim Palace in England today.

Pics: Splash

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