Poor Ellen DeGeneres. It’s like anywhere she looks, her eyes are going to land on something gross. Look down at the monitor, giant picture of Johnny Depp in disturbing Donald Trump prosthetics. Look up, Johnny Depp in real life looking like a guy at a state fair who tries to sell you a snake at the hand washing station next to the Port-O-Potties.
It’s been a week full of impressions on Ellen! Yesterday, Kanye West gave us a spot-on impression of a person who should probably start going to weekly Deluded Narcissists Anonymous meetings, and today we have Johnny Depp doing his impression of Donald Trump while promoting Alice Through The Looking Glass on Ellen. We were first introduced to Johnny’s Donald three months ago after Funny or Die released the trailer for The Art Of The Deal, a made-for-TV movie parody based on Trump’s book of the same name. Thankfully Ellen didn’t ask Johnny to put on the wig or the saggy latex citrus skin eye bags. Mixing Donald drag with Johnny’s crusty capped nightmare teeth would have taken it from funny to terrifying.
“Paper mache? As if I would ever build a wall out of such cheap materials. Try plaster of paris and chicken wire, you loser. Nothing but the best for the people of America” grunted Donald Trump through his Halloween outlet store mask of a face.
Not only can Johnny resemble an obnoxious adult, but apparently Ellen thinks he can also do a pretty convincing obnoxious child too. Ellen threw up a picture of young Johnny Depp and young Justin Bieber, and yeah, I guess if you squint they sort of look alike? Although to be fair, I’m more concerned with Baby Johnny Depp’s “How dare you” face. Is it possible for a picture from the past to be offended at something in the present?
As you can see, Johnny also showed off a new hair cut. Yes, it looks ten layers of jacked, but let’s remember that it’s unquestionably an upgrade from the sad damp-looking hair pile situation he was working with before. I don’t know why Johnny decided to go shorter. Then again, maybe it wasn’t his decision. Maybe Amber Heard was tired of spending so much time detangling the mats behind his ears and picking out the cigarette butts and dead cockroaches during his weekly hose-down. “That’s it, I’ve broken three combs. I’m getting out the Wahl.“