I’m sure your first reaction after seeing the words “shit” and “front lawn” was to assume that this happened in Florida, but no, this actually happened in Arizona. I’m pretty sure if this happened in Florida, it would be accompanied by the words “…and then a methed-up gator slipped on it.”
The poo gone wrong story begins with a 33-year-old reporter for local news station KPHO named Jonathan Lowe. Jonathan was covering a story in Goodyear, Arizona on Monday when all of a sudden, his brain received a message from his colon informing him that here was a dump in his butt than needed to come out. Around 3:30pm, a witness claims she saw a man exit the KPHO news van, pick up several papers from the street, casually stroll over to a neighbor’s front lawn, pull down his pants, and proceed to let out a freshly baked booty cake. I wonder if before he did it, he announced “Jonathan Lowe here with some late breaking poos” in his reporter voice?
Once the witness realized what was happening, she called the police. She also didn’t have any trouble ID’ing the alleged poopetrator; the witness recognized that it was the same Jonathan Lowe from television.
According to a police report obtained and published by Jonathan’s now-former employer KPHO, Jonathan greeted the cops when they arrived on the scene and told them he knew what they were there about. Jonathan explained to the cops that the reason why he “took care of business” on someone’s front lawn was because he had been feeling sick and was stuck in the van all day. Sadly, Jonathan’s turds didn’t have to be public; a neighbor told police that if he had knocked on her door, she would have let him use her bathroom.
Jonathan was arrested and charged with public defecation. He was later released with a citation. No word on what happened to the dookie, but I hope other news stations had the decency to blur it out when the inevitable media circus arrived to cover the story. That poor doo doo didn’t ask for all this attention.