Justin Bieber’s Purpose Tour Isn’t Going To Argentina

May 16, 2016 / Posted by:

Sorry, Argentina. I’m sure you really wanted to see Justin Bieber’sI need to make pee pee” dance moves, but it’s not going to happen any time soon. Earlier today, Joel Osteen Jr. took advantage of Tim Horton’s generous free WiFi to tweet a tour update. The South American dates for Bieber’s Purpose World Tour haven’t been announced yet. But according to Justin, it doesn’t matter how many people scream “COME TO BRAZIL’S NEIGHBOR!” at him on Instagram, his lawyers have recently told him that he won’t be going to Argentina.

Justin doesn’t say exactly why he’s not allowed to perform in Argentina, but it probably has something to do with that time he and his bodyguard allegedly attacked a pap outside of a Buenos Aires club three years ago. Bieber and his bodyguard fled the country before they could be questioned by police, and never returned when they were summoned to court. Eventually a warrant was issued for his arrest, but once Argentina realized they had a better chance meeting Santa and the Tooth Fairy, the warrant was revoked. The charges, however, have not been dropped. And that’s why you won’t be seeing any pictures of Justin Bieber kiki’ing with the squirrels of Argentina or walking around a park barefoot while scooping dulce de leche straight from the jar with his bare hands.

But does Justin have to flat-out avoid Argentina all together? I feel like there’s an obvious solution to Justin’s problem. He could perform the entire show suspended from a helicopter. The policía can’t arrest you in the air, right? He should probably just try it out. Best case scenario: he’s found a legal loophole that allows him to put on a whole show. Even better case scenario: laws still apply in the sky, the police arrest him, and he spends 8-12 months in an Argentinian jail cell. It’s a win-win situation, really.

Pic: Wenn.com

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