This Is What Can Happen When “White Stuff Gets Inside The Vaginal Pocket”

May 12, 2016 / Posted by:

31-year-old Nev Schulman, one half of the Catfish duo, announced to the world yesterday that he’s going to be a daddy, and his 30-year-old girlfriend Laura Perlongo announced in detail how they found out. Laura, who’s in advertising, wrote a long ass piece on Attn about how she was stoned on a weed gummy when she found out that a Catfish fetus is growing in her body. So many famous types get their spokeswhore to spit out a generic statement about how they’re “over the moon” (yes, my finger tips hurt from typing that), but Laura and Nev didn’t do that.

Laura took us on an overshare, weird journey from how bareback boning led to her stoned eyes seeing two lines on a piss stick. Here’s just a short bit of what Laura wrote:

It was a low-key Saturday night in February. I had taken a gummy with my boyfriend. Well, I guess first I had condom-less, birth control-free sex where the white stuff got inside the vaginal pocket, but a couple weeks later I ate marijuana in the form of candy. Being a timing expert, halfway into a giggly game of cards, I went to the bathroom for my pre-menstrual pregnancy test ritual. Like most girls not on birth control, every month there is a day or two where I confuse normal PMS with ‘definitely pregnant.’ So there I sat, waiting for menstrual reassurance next to my favorite lil digital sand timer, tapping cheerfully through stories on Snapchat. Tip tap tippy two…

Two lines.

That’s more than one line. And I’m 30. I have 15 years of urine-on-stick experience. There was no digging out instructions or googling necessary. No franticly peeing on more tests to confirm a result. I knew what it meant…

I’ve been stoned to the point that I’d probably hallucinate two lines on a piss stick, but Laura is really pregnant.

Laura goes on to say that even though she and Nev had only been in a long-distance relationship for 7 months (with a break in August) when she found out she’s knocked up and they’re both kind of a mess, they’re ready and excited to take care of a tiny human. Laura’s piece is sort of like an uber hipster re-telling of Knocked Up.

Nev and Laura found out through a sonogram scan that they’re having a girl, but they shouldn’t be too sure about that. Their kid does have the Catfish genes, so baby could be catfishing their asses and is really a boy.

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