When Fox announced that they were doing a two-hour TV remake of Rocky Horror Picture Show, I just knew that they were going to take the classic and scrub out all of the dirty glitter-embedded crotch sweat from it before dipping it in bleach and dressing it up with a thick layer of polished bubblegum. Well, it looks like they did just that. Everybody should start dialing 9-1-1 to report FOX for committing premeditated butchery.
Entertainment Weekly posted the first pictures from Fox’s Rocky Horror, which isn’t live and airs this fall, and it looks more like Rudy Giuliani Presents Rocky Horror Picture Show. Above is Laverne Cox as Dr. Frank-N-Furter, and while I appreciate that they made Frank a ginge, because the world needs more ginges, the hell is that outfit, that wig and that makeup? That conservative ass outfit looks like it was pulled off of a rack at Hot Topic and everything else is too perfect. Laverne looks like she spent a long time in a chair at the MAC store and that wig looks freshly dry cleaned. Frank-N-Furter should look like sparkly shit dragged through a back alley puddle. Laverne looks too perfect. It’s like she’s posing as Frank-N-Furter in an America’s Next Top Model photo shoot. Don’t even get me started on Ben Vereen’s brows looking like felt.
After the cut is Laverne in her full Frank-N-Furter costume, as well as more pictures, and yes, it gets worse.
Here’s a bunch of high school kids dressed up in Rocky Horror drag for a midnight showing at a theater in Long Beach. No, that’s offensive to high school kids in Rocky Horror drag, because they look ~edgier~ than this. This is Riff Raff (played by Reeve Carney), Columbia (played by Annaleigh Ashford), Janet (played by Victoria Justice), Brad (played by Ryan McCartan) and Magenta (played by Christina Milian). At least Riff Raff sort of looks like he smells like dumpster syrup, but they did Magenta wrong by giving her a wig made out of scrap yarn.
EW tells me this is supposed to be Brad and Janet, but I think someone screwed up and accidentally posted an old screen shot from a prom episode of Glee.
This is Staz Nair as Rocky, and I don’t even know if hot man nipples can save this.
I thought Fox’s Grease Live was going to be a greasy turd, and I was completely wrong, and these are just pictures, so maybe this won’t be as sanitized as a G-rated Christian day school production of Rocky Horror Picture Show re-titled Rocky Happy Picture Show. I just looked at the pictures again. It will.