The only kind of golf I’ve played is of the miniature kind, and the closest I’ve ever gotten to watching a full game is the time I watched a porn where two dudes butt boned on the green. I don’t watch golf, because if I want to fall asleep, I’ll just take an Ambien with a swig of Merlot. But PGA player Greg Owen has suddenly gotten me into golf by getting half naked to save a baby bird from death!
PGATour.com says that 44-year-old Greg and his swing instructor (which apparently isn’t someone who teaches the swinger lifestyle) Tony Ziegler were practicing for The Players Championship at TPC Sawgrass in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL when he noticed a baby blue jay in trauma. Greg tells PGATour that during his practice round, the bird fell out of a tree and flopped around him for a bit before it fell into the pond. Greg says that he watched a turtle go into the water after the bird, and another bird started pecking at the poor creature. So Greg quickly got into his Captain-Save-A-Ho outfit (read: panties, just panties), went into the water and saved that bird’s life! Tony recorded the rescue and posted it on Facebook. Behold, a half-naked hero!
Greg says that it wasn’t a staged stunt and he didn’t even know that Tony was recording it. Greg is just a lover of living things:
“There’s too much unnecessary death in this world as it is. If you can do anything to help … I’d like to think other people would do exactly the same, but I don’t know if they would or not. I’m not a hunter. I don’t hunt things. I don’t get that. I don’t shoot things. It’s not in my character. Just a natural thing for me to do (to rescue the bird). I’m not looking for any praise or anything like that.”
Great, now we’re going to hear about how a bunch of hard-up tricks were attacked by golf course gators after they went into the water while wearing a baby blue jay costume because they wanted to be rescued by a half-naked Greg Owen. Stupid asses! And yes, I’m ordering a baby blue jay costume from Amazon right now.