Woody Allen’s Cafe Society starring a trio of UGHs, Kristen Stewart, Jesse Eisenberg and Blake NotSoLively is opening up the Cannes Film Festival tomorrow, so Variety talked to KStew about a whole bunch of crap. And yes, this interview, like most Kristen Stewart interviews, is very “conversation about deep stuff with an angsty Emo 9th grader who just huffed spray paint from a paper bag.”
During the interview, KStew gets into that whole “cheating on her piece with a married man” thing again and she seems to think that only chicks threw shit at her for it. She also admits that for a split second, she wasn’t sure if she should work with Woody Allen. Woody’s adopted daughter Dylan Farrow wrote an open letter where she called out Cate Blanchett, Diane Keaton, Louis C.K., Alec Baldwin and ScarJo for working with a PedoTurtle who she says sexually abused her as a child. Kristen Stewart knew about the open letter, but eventually swatted it away as though it was mindless gossip found in an issue of InTouch Weekly.
The full interview is here, but below are a few choice quotes that dribbled out of her mouth:
On the whole scandal involving her, Rupert Sanders and a MINI Cooper: “Women are so judgmental of each other. It’s very innate, instinctive, fucked-up, animal-like. It was something that was a nuisance. How do you resent me if you’ve actually never met me?”
On how she wasn’t dropped from the second Huntsman movie because Rupert Sanders got caught with his mouth on her cookie jar: “I read a few scripts. None of them were good. None of them were greenlight-able. And I had a meeting with Universal about the places where the story could go. Maybe Chris was more into it. I actually don’t fucking know. It wasn’t a situation where I got kicked off a movie because I got in trouble. We had been in talks months after that about making something work, and it never came together.”
On how she turned down a cameo in that Huntsman turd and she’s glad she did: “I might just leave that be. I was really into that, but — ” she adds with a smirk. “So now I’m like … ‘Thank God.’”
On how she doesn’t want to be labeled as bi or gayelle, but wants her young fans to see the paparazzi pictures of her holding her girlfriend’s hand: “That’s really important to me. As much as I want to protect myself, it’s not about hiding. As soon as you start throwing up so many walls, you cannot see over them yourself, so you just start isolating in a way that’s not honest. I definitely found where I’m comfortable. I don’t take credit for that. Things have really shifted in this wonderful way. I’m reaping the benefits.”
On how she talked to Jesse Eisenberg about Dylan Farrow’s open letter: “I was like, ‘What do you think? We don’t know any of these people involved. I can personalize situations, which would be very wrong.’ At the end of the day, Jesse and I talked about this. If we were persecuted for the amount of shit that’s been said about us that’s not true, our lives would be over. The experience of making the movie was so outside of that, it was fruitful for the two of us to go on with it.”
That last one… She would’ve been better off saying, “My brain cannot process that question right now, next!”, or “Ummmmm, let’s go back to talking about how I got my pussy eaten in that MINI Cooper.”
And during filming of Cafe Society, Woody gave Kristen notes like “that felt fake” and “I’m falling asleep.” But when Variety asked him about her, he said that if she existed in 1944, she’d be a gorgeous screen goddess like Elizabeth Taylor!
“If this was 1944 or 1935, she would have been one of those drop-dead-beautiful movie stars. She would have been in the pantheon of classic actresses like Rita Hayworth or Elizabeth Taylor.”
Quick! Somebody distract Woody by giving him a caramel square to unwrap. We need to keep him busy until the professionals in white coats come to take him to a wonderful place with a comfortable padded room for him to relax in. And here’s the Rita Hayworth of our time at the airport in Nice, France: