Woe is Ryan Sweeting! Poor Ryan Sweeting probably thought that when he scores a giant monthly spousal support check from Kaley Cuoco, he’d finally be able to switch from ironing his locks straight with an actual iron Tracy Turnblad-style to regular Keratin treatments. But sadly for him, he’s can’t throw that iron out anytime soon. Because Ryan Sweeting and Kaley Cuoco’s divorce has been finalized and it doesn’t look like he’ll be inducted into the Gold Digger Hall of Fame.
After Kaley Cuoco filed papers to legally quit her marriage of 21 months, Ryan responded with his own papers. In the papers Ryan filed, he said that he wanted spousal support and requested for her to pay all of his legal fees. TMZ says that thanks to a gold digger’s worst nightmare, a really good prenup, Ryan isn’t getting spousal support. But he isn’t exactly walking away with empty pockets. Kaley has agreed to give Ryan $165,000 as a “bye, bitch” gift and she’ll also pay $195,000 for his 2 personal trainers and up to $55,000 for his legal fees. Meanwhile, Kaley gets to keep EVERYTHING pretty much.
Just months after Kaley and Ryan, who used to play professional tennis, got married, she signed a $72 million deal to stay on The Big Bang Theory. Those Big Bang tricks are getting Friends money, because they each are making $1 million an episode. That giant mountain of money is protected under the prenup. Kaley also gets to keep their house in Tarzana, CA and their beach house near Santa Barbara. Ryan didn’t really bring in any cash during their marriage, because he got injured and that injury allegedly led to a pill addiction. But Ryan does get to keep whatever cash and gift certificates he has. If one of those gift certificates is to In-N-Out, then he truly won!
The good news for Kaley is that for her second, third, fourth, fifth and beyond marriages, she can just get her lawyers to copy + paste that prenup since that shit is ironclad and doesn’t mess around.
This story about Kaley’s first (of probably many) divorce settlements once again reminds us of a serious American tragedy: She makes $1 million an episode for the fucking Big Bang Theory. And Ryan probably had to watch it every week, and all he got out of it was a MEASLY $165,000 and a hideously ugly Kaley tattoo. The gold diggers of the world have dropped their shovels, bowed their heads and are saying a prayer for him today.