On April 14, it was reported that one of Ryan Gosling’s Canadian jizz fish fucked its way into one of Eva Mendes’ eggs, creating their second child. Ryan and Eva have permanently SuperGlued a “privacy please” sign on their personal lives, so they didn’t confirm or deny that she had another GosBaby growing in her womb. Well, TMZ says that two weeks after that news came out, Eva gave birth to their baby and we’re all just finding out now. I know, your boyfriend Ryan Gosling betrayed you by making one baby with that trollop skeezer whore Eva Mendes, and then he betrayed you again by making another baby with her, and now he’s betrayed you a third time by not telling you about his second child’s birth. You better give your Ryan Gosling body pillow a serious talking to before you hump on it tonight.
We only know about the birth of the second GosBaby, because TMZ got a hold of the birth certificate. Eva and Ryan’s second baby was born on April 29th at 8:03 in the morning at a hospital in Santa Monica, CA. Eva birthed out another girl and they named her Amada Lee Gosling. Amada is Eva’s abuelita’s name, and either she really loves her abuelita or really loves that name or both, because Amada is also their first child’s middle name. Ryan and Eva’s 20-month-old daughter is named Esmerelda Amada Gosling. In 16 years, the Gosling girls can form a girl pop duo called The Amadas.
I’m guessing that Ryan wore a disguise to the hospital, because if he didn’t, we would’ve heard about how all of the nurses and other patients released a panty pudding tsunami as soon as he strut in and winked at them. We would’ve heard about that on the news. But seriously, we shouldn’t call Eva and Ryan “celebrities” anymore. Because what in the hell kind of celebrity has a baby and doesn’t immediately tweet an announcement along with a black and white picture of the mom holding the kid’s hand?
And someone should tell Pimp Mama Kris that two famous types had a baby and didn’t whore out every second of their pregnancy and birth on Instagram. That’d make her head pop off, hit the ceiling and land on her demon neck again. That could be her new party trick!