The Year Is 2016 And I’ve Written A Post About Kenny Chesney Being The Second Biggest Money-Maker In Music
It feels like I haven’t written about Kenny Chesney since the Renee Zellweger days when their 6-minute-long marriage ended in “fraud” and he blamed it on his “box” being too full at the time and not being able to handle all of the attention from the media. I don’t know if Kenny’s box is still full, but I do know that his bank accounts are overflowing with dollars the same way your panties are overflowing with twatty leche from looking at that picture of him in that hot sleeveless T.
Billboard put out their list of which music acts brought in the most coins in 2015, and the pop trick that scientists created from a Girl Talk game, Taylor Swift, was #1. Taylor reportedly brought in $73.5 million last year, and I can already picture members of her “squad” trying to yank out their teeth with pliers, so that the next time they spend the night at Tay’s, they can put a toof under the pillow in exchange for a 5-figure check from “The Tooth Fairy.” (Forbes claimed last year that Katy Perry made a whole lot more than Taylor.)
Taylor being on Billboard’s list isn’t surprising to me, but Kenny Chesney’s name being on it is. As Billboard points out, everyone on their list made most of their fortune from touring. Kenny supposedly made almost $40 million last year and nearly all of that came from his tour. The only country stuff I really listen to is from Dolly Parton, Kacey Musgraves, Shania Twain, the show Nashville, Loretta Lynn and Little Big Town (bitch, shut up, “Girl Crush” is good), so I didn’t know that the shell-less Tennessee turtle is still filling up stadiums. I can see why. I’m about to try to find room on my Capital One credit card to pay for a ticket to see that slice of country tanginess bounce that bottom and air out those pits.
Here’s Billboard’s top 5 rich music tricks of 2015:
1. Taylor Swift – $73.5m ($7.2m in sales, $564k in streaming, $4.1m in publishing, $61.7m in touring)
2. Kenny Chesney – $39.8m ($1.1m in sales, $239.6k in streaming, $313.2 in publishing, $38.1m in touring)
3. The Rolling Stones – $39.6m ($1.4m in sales, $382.6 in streaming, $509.1k in publishing, $37.3m in touring)
4. Billy Joel – $31.7 m ($801.2k in sales, $339.4k in streaming, $453.2 in publishing, $30.1m in touring)
5. One Direction – $24.2m ($3.1m in sales, $891.8k in streaming, $652.7k in publishing, $19.6m in touring)
The top 10 also includes Grateful Dead’s Dead & Company ($23.8m), Luke Bryan ($23.1m), U2 ($21.8m), Adele ($20.5m) and Maroon 4 ($19.2m).
Kenny Chesney may be rich, but he still knows that IN THIS ECONOMY, you’ve got to save money everywhere you can, so why spend extra on shirt sleeves? That’s just financial smarts. But then again, I don’t even want to think about his body waxing bill.