FKA Twigs: “And remember, darling – don’t be photographed anywhere near her, or my Twitter mentions are fucked.”
Robert Pattinson: (too hypnotized by her FKA Crotch to respond)
Last year’s undisputed Dick Queen of the Met Gala and her still-manages-to-look-greasy-even-with-a-shaved-head Hipster Prince almost had a run-in with his ex last night. It’s 2016, and most people probably couldn’t give a glitter-covered vampire crap that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart went to the same fancy-people party. But there are definitely still some Twihards out there who were no doubt reaching for the nearest brown paper bag in which to hyperventilate into after they realized that RPattz and KStew almost reunited on the Met Gala red carpet last night. I don’t know what happened once they were inside. Maybe they got together and did shots at the bar? Or maybe that never happened, because RPattz was too busy shooing people away from FKA Twigs who mistook whatever she’s wearing for a lumbar support belt and decided to ask her how much she would charge to move a 3 bedroom townhouse.
FKA Twigs barely stuck to the theme of technology, but Kristen Stewart did even less with the theme. As usual, KStew showed up in Chanel. She also apparently told the person doing her makeup: “Sure, silver eyeliner, whatever. I DON’T CARE.”
Despite the fact that silver eye shadow and some busted Hackers hair is literally the laziest way you could interpret the technology them, I am 100% into it. It takes me back to being 16 and blowing my first paycheck on a partially-damaged box of Frost & Tip and a 2-pack of Bonne Bell Eye DeFiners in Platinum.