A Pile Of Butchered Space Snakes + A Warrior Ballerina + A Heaping Cup Of Nope = Taylor Swift At The Met Gala

May 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Earlier I threw up pictures of Carrie Underwoods wearing Judy Jetson’s quince dress. Well, here’s 2007 Chrissy Crocker’s hair twin Taylor Swift wearing the quince after-party dress that Judy Jetson snatched out of a clearance bin at a Wet Seal outlet on Mars.

Taylor Swift is about as edgy as the heart-shaped tear trickling down the face of a porcelain Precious Moments figurine, but yet she’s still trying to drive in RiRi’s lane. Taylor of Sunnybrook Farms is like that preppy friend in junior high school named Chelsea (pronounced Chell-sea-uh) who comes back from summer break as a goth girl, and her idea of goth is wearing black chipped nail polish and writing lyrics from The Smiths songs on her paper bag book cover during homeroom.

The mess of a look that Taylor wore to tonight’s MESS Gala needs some Adderall, because it’s all over the place. From the neck up is “little girl doing half-assed Debbie Harry drag.” From the neck down to her knees is “extra in Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century” (Side note: I can’t believe I’m referencing Zenon.) And from the knees down is “ballerina who works as a biker bar stripper at night and doesn’t have time to change shoes.

Because of those space scales and those shoes, I don’t know whether to throw her back into the space ocean or tell her ass to twirl away. Why not both?!

Pic: Getty

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