On Wednesday, we learned about a 26-year-old dude from New York named Mario Licato who took a fist to the face in the subway by a random stranger simply for looking like Shia LaBeouf. Getting punched by a stranger is no joke, especially when it happens in the subway, because ew, gross. Imagine trying to find something in the subway to clean off the blood? “Let’s see, piss-soaked sock, newspaper tented over a poop, rat king made of runaway hair extensions. Hmmm…I guess try to tear me off a piece of newspaper that hasn’t touched the poop?”
But it’s even worse to get punched just because said rando thinks your face looks like someone else’s face. Clearly Shia LaBeouf knows this, because he called up Mario and offered his condolences on the matter. Mario tells Cosmopolitan that a couple days after it happened, he received a voicemail message from Shia. According to Mario, the message was about 2 minutes long and Shia sounded “bummed“. He also offered to bring him soup.
“He left me a voicemail yesterday morning, but he left it on my work phone and I don’t even know my work phone number. He was like, ‘Hey, this is Shia LaBeouf … I just read an article that you were punched in the face because you look like me?’ And he was like, ‘Aw, man. That sucks. I’m so sorry. But I get it. It’s happened to me before.’ And then he was like, ‘I don’t know. I wish I was in New York. I’d come bring you soup.’ … And then he was like, ‘Here’s my phone number. Don’t give it to anybody. Please, please, call me back. Call me back if you want to. We could chat. Let’s giggle over this. Maybe there’s a silver lining in all this. But call me back. Once again, this is Shia LaBeouf, the guy you got hit for looking like. And yeah, man, I’m sorry. I’m just really sorry. Keep your head up, G.’ And that was it.”
Mario says he plans on calling Shia back after he has a glass of wine. That sounds romantic and all, but the last time I checked, wine is a depressant. I don’t know many medical professionals that would advise you to speak to Shia without being on some hardcore stimulants. You need all the mental energy you can get to keep up with Shia.