I stopped watching Live! right after Kathie Lee Gifford left, because I prefer my morning talk shows hosts crazier and drunker than a fly in a Red Solo cup full of Diet Coke and rum. But it may be worth watching again to witness Kelly Ripa get revenge on Michael Strahan and ABC by slowly chipping away at their nerves with a freshly sharpened shiv.
Michael was supposed to leave Live! for his new higher-paying gig at Good Morning America in September, but his “Bye, Bitch!” date was moved up to May 13 after Kelly got seriously pissed over everyone keeping her in the dark about his exit. When Kelly made her triumphant return to Live! on Tuesday, she said that she was happy for Michael and he said that he loves her, but she still threw him the same awkward and cold look I throw at a server at a restaurant whenever they tell me they haven’t gotten their liquor license yet. Things apparently went fine on Tuesday and Wednesday’s shows, but on Thursday’s episode, Kelly finally stopped giving a fuck and threw in a dig.
During a segment with a screaming armadillo (no, Regis wasn’t a guest, it was an actual screaming armadillo), Kelly joked that she wanted the angry animal to go into contract re-negotiations with her as Michael ignored her while thinking to himself, “You don’t need that screaming thing, you do just fine on your own.” (Side note: That screaming armadillo handler’s hair is a gorgeous helmet of lusciousness.)
On this morning’s show, Kelly got in another dig while introducing a story in the paper about “bird nesting,” which is where the kids stay in the house and the divorced parents rotate in and out. Kelly said that she doesn’t have a take on the story, but she wanted Michael’s since he’s been divorced. When they words sprung out of Kelly’s mouth, Michael looked like he just tasted a load and the load was 100% bitter. And then he threw a “Is this bitch for real?” look:
I am a Live!Truther who believes that they’re playing up the tension for maximum attention, but I’m all for it. No, I probably won’t start watching it again, but I will enjoy all of the clips on the Internet of Kelly slapping a trick. I hope that all of the tension builds up to Michael’s final show where a cage falls around him, Kelly and Gelman and they all fight to the death as a topless Regis referees from the sidelines.