Open Post: Hosted By A Tall Drink Of Swedish Leche……… And That One Chick He’s Dating

And as Alexander Skarsgard strut his viking ass past that parking meter, it squirted out a stream of jizz from its coin slot. ASkars kept struttin’ because he’s used to that by now.

Just the other day, I was wondering if the human form of a mud-covered Glastonbury Wellie, Alexa Chung, was still swinging her poon from Tarzan’s dick vine, and I got my answer over the weekend. The paparazzi somehow magically caught ASkars and the professional festival goer holding hands while leaving some restaurant in Studio City, CA. These pictures are honestly kind of unnatural and weird to me. I mean, why would you hold ASkars’ hand when you can hold his peen while walking down the street? Also, why would you go to a restaurant to eat? If your ASkars’ piece and he says to you, “I’m hungry,” you’d immediately rip off your clothes and serve lunch on your bare crotch. That’s what any normal and sane person would do!

Something in the Swedish leche ain’t clean about this and I would investigate further, but right now I need to file a police report against Alexa Chung’s thieving ass. Trick obviously broke into my mom’s garage, went through the cardboard boxes and stole the outfit my sister wore on 3rd grade picture day in the 80s.

Pics: Wenn.com