Kanye Watches Porn On Mute

April 23, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s the weekend, which means most of you are happy. But I’m working to entertain you people. So let me bring a little darkness into your otherwise bright, shiny day. Prepare your mind for a trip to a place so dark, so twisted, one might call it a dark, twisted fantasy. I wouldn’t. But the person in question definitely would and would tell you it was an honor and a privilege to enter this nightmare realm. I present to you, The Bootyhole Baron aka Kanye Kardashian telling the world that he has never watched porn with the sound on. You’re welcome. Now you’ll be thinking of this heaving mound of ego playing skin flute by himself.

Kanye was on his sister-in-law’s series finale episode of her kancelled and kanned radio show, Kocktails With Khloe, and decided to talk kock, via Us. Never one to shy away from vulgar oversharing, I assume this instinct has only increased since joining the koven. The girls, including Kim, had a kiki and talk somehow, just somehow, turned to publicly talking about your genitals. He burped up this little nugget:

I’ve never watched porn with the sound on. I lived with my mom in high school, then I lived in my mother-in-law’s [Kris Jenner’s] house. There’s kids next door and stuff.

Well, Kanye, there’s kameras everywhere in that house, so Kris has definitely got hours and hours of footage that she’ll come to you with one day when you’re even more in debt and need a career boost. If she kould do it for Kim, I’m sure she kan do it for you. More importantly, I really don’t get the feeling he watches with the sound off because of his living situations. We all know he has the sound off because nothing turns him on like the sound of his own moans and whatever hellish squeals escape his bootyhole when he puts his fingers in there. Noted expert in such matters, Michael K, speculated that it most likely sounds “like a trout sucking on a Jolly Rancher.” Gross, but probably true.

Kim added her two cents in by saying, “he probably watches Japanese anime porn.” And there is some possible proof that they don’t have sex because how the hell you married to someone and don’t know what the fuck porn they watch? In my mind, this proves that Kim is just Kanye’s My Size Barbie and the whole thing is sham. A sham!

The Kueen of all things Krap went on to say that Kanye wants her to have more kids:

I was so set with my two kids and happy with my life the way that it is, but Kanye has been mentioning it every single day lately for the past 10 days. I was like, ‘Why is he doing this to me?’ It would be a really dangerous environment for me if I were to get pregnant again.

Why is he doing this to you? Why is he doing this to us?! The only dangerous environment I hear in that statement is a world where more Kardashian-West’s exist! Adding more gasoline to this goddamn nightmare fire was Khloe asking if Kim would konsider a surrogate, to which Kim replied, “I don’t know. Why, are you offering?” Dios mio, baby Jesus, please Lord, help us all! Do not let this abomination come to fruition! Kanye’s seed, Kim’s egg and Khloe’s womb. The end is truly upon us!

Pic: Wenn

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