Damn You, Beyonce, For Making Me Think That “Lemonade” Was A HIGH ART Divorce Announcement!

As Dlisted’s weekend provider of foolery, Martin, told you earlier, Beyonce’s “Lemonade event” premiered on HBO tonight, and I just want to get the question in your head out of the way. No, “Lemonade” is not a shortened version for the title of her next single “Milk, Milk, Lemonade, Around The Corner Fudge Is Made.” I know, the HELL kind of “artist” is she?

Nobody really knew what Lemonade was before it aired tonight. About 3 minutes into Lemonade, I figured it was a HIGH ART infomercial for her new album. But as it went on and as I listened to the lyrics, I and everyone on Twitter figured Lemonade was also a HIGH ART divorcement announcement. Goopy Paltrow was somewhere getting her pussy steamed and slapping at her head, because she wishes her brain would’ve come up with a divorce announcement movie on HBO rather than that dumb “conscious uncoupling” statement.

Lemonade was an hour-long “visual album.” It was broken up into parts and each part featured a song from Beyonce’s new album. Each part was also titled after an emotion. Some of the songs are about a wife scorned by a cheating slut whore of a husband who keeps passing his dick, so of course, everyone threw a side-eye at Jay-Z. One of the lyrics went like this, “If you try that shit again, you gonna lose your wife.” Here are the titles of each part:

Intution
Denial
Anger
Apathy
Emptiness
Accountability
Reformation
Forgiveness
Resurrection
Hope
Redemption

When you add up together “intuition, denial, anger, apathy, emptiness and accountability” together, it feels like Beyonce is trying to tell us that the rumors about Jay-Z’s wandering dick are true. So, I sat there thinking that the final emotion would be “REVENGE” and Lemonade would end with a live shot of Angela Bassett torching Jay-Z’s car as Beyonce served him divorce papers.

But no, it ended with “forgiveness” and “hope” and shots from Beyonce and Jay-Z’s home movies including one from their wedding (see: above). So no, Lemonade was not a HIGH ART divorce announcement. Damn you for that trickery, Beyonce! But if you’re going to announce your divorce, that’s how you do it.

With that being said, angry Beyonce is my favorite Beyonce.

And since Jay-Z keeps trying to make everyone download Tidal, Lemonade is only available on Tidal…until it gets ripped and ends up everywhere.