To an anti-PDA crusader like myself, the “Kiss Cam” is usually the “Gross Cam,” because who wants to see two people not named Alexander Skarsgard and Idris Elba kiss in public? And the Kiss Cam usually never shows real love. But that changed yesterday at something called an Atlanta Hawks vs. Boston Celtics game when the Kiss Cam landed on a real American hero showing us a threesome in her mouth between her tongue and two pieces of delicious pizza. Finally, the Kiss Cam gave us a portrait of true love.
Because everything that goes viral on the Internet was probably faked to go viral on the Internet, everyone involved most likely rehearsed this beforehand, but they still turned on the magic when the camera landed on them. As a bro sucked his girlfriend’s stomach out through her mouth, our blonde heroine reenacted the threesome scene from Wild Things. The part played by Matt Dillion was played by her mouth and the parts played by Neve Campbell and Denise Richards were played by pizza slice #1 and pizza slice #2.
This is double-fisting done right! This moment is so beautiful that I won’t ruin it with a Kanye double-fisting joke.
The Treasury Secretary HAS to find a place for Pizza Girl. She should at least be the new face of the Chuck E. Cheese token.