Not since the dramatic ousting of Ann Curry has there been an all-caps, bold-faced ESCANDALO that is rocking the boring morning show world. It’s times like these when I wish that I was a stay-at-home daddy. Because if I was, I’d be passing around a sippy cup full of a screwdriver with the other stay-at-homers at the playground as we kiki about this mess and I scream, “Walk it off, shit, I’m busy,” at my kid as they complain about breaking a leg from falling off of the jungle gym.
Yesterday, Allison brought you the news that Michael Strahan is leaving Live! with Kelly and Michael in September to join Good Morning America full-time, because $$$$. Michael has been on the show for 4 years and so you would think that maybe, just maybe, he would’ve personally broke the news to his co-host and the human toothpick he sometimes uses to pick out a bit of food stuck in his gap. But TMZ claims that Michael didn’t tell Kelly Ripa before it was announced and neither did any of her bosses. Kelly supposedly sat down with Michael, Live!’s executive producer Gelman and the General Manager of WABC as Disney announced the change to the world. Kelly was apparently so mad that the bulging veins in her body filled with boiling rage.
Kelly didn’t show up to work this morning and Ana Gasteyer sat next to Michael Strahan as he told viewers that he’s leaving in September. Kelly is probably going to call in
sick I HATE ALL OF YOU CUNTS for a while, because she feels disrespected by Disney, who owns ABC, and Michael for keeping her in the dark about such a huge change to a show she’s been on for over 15 years. TMZ’s source adds that Kelly feels like Disney’s move was a gigantic “fuck you” to her and everyone who works on Live!, especially since it still does well in the ratings.
There’s also a rumor that Disney may kill Live! and put it in a body bag to make way for a third hour of GMA. Disney is probably going to give GMA another hour, so they could push Live! into a later time slot or dump it altogether.
The source adds that Michael contacted Kelly after the announcement, but for right now, he is as dead to her as any food item that’s more than 40 calories. Apparently, Kelly and Michael only tolerate each other on camera and don’t like one another. Kelly feels like Michael is full of himself.
Michael talked about his ass leaving at the start of today’s show, and at the end of it, he lisped out some words about Kelly as she watched at home, sharpening her shank:
“I really want to thank of course Kelly Ripa because Kelly welcomed me here and I’ve learned so much from her. She’s been an amazing influence on me and it has truly changed my life to be here with her. I know that the show will continue to be strong and great because of Kelly and Michael Gelman and the staff here. Everybody is so talented and this show has not been around for over 30 years by mistake … Kelly, I thank you and I love you and everyone else here at Live.”
That shady, shady STUNT QUEEN whore Mickey Mouse. Either 1 of 2 things is happening here:
1. Disney didn’t tell Kelly and they told Michael not to tell her, because they knew she’d be pissed and knew that the drama would give their morning shows some free publicity.
2. Kelly was told a while ago and she, Disney and ABC decided to cook up some manufactured drama for the sake of free publicity.
Whatever the case may be, I hope that on tomorrow morning’s show, a wild-eyed Kelly drags Mickey Mouse onto the set and chews that shifty bitch’s head off in front of the cameras. Death! with Kelly. Now that’s a show I’d watch.