Quick, go immediately to your happy place. This is some potentially rage-making, caftan-tearing news if you’re a Three’s Company purist. The Hollywood Reporter is reporting that Hollywood’s latest unnecessary remake/reboot might be a Three’s Company movie. Nobody asked you to knock at that door, Hollywood.
THR says that it’s currently still in the beginning stages. New Line is trying to get the rights to Three’s Company, and they’re looking to have it written by the same people responsible for He’s Just Not That Into You. In case you’ve forgotten, Three’s Company was a sitcom that ran on ABC from 1979 to 1984 about a guy who pretends to be gay because he’s living with two women and doesn’t want their landlord to evict them. That’s a scenario that barely works in 1979, but makes zero sense in 2016. New Line clearly knows this, so they’re apparently keeping it set in the 1970s.
That’s really all we know about this Three’s Company movie right now. With that being said, now is the time to wildly speculate about who should be cast in what will be the second-best movie made about Three’s Company. Yes, second best. As long as a copy of Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of Three’s Company still exists, that title stays unchanged. Personally, I’d like to see the following:
Suzanne Somers as Chrissy
Suzanne Somers in a Kris Jenner wig as Janet
A sexy picture of John Ritter (easy to find) as Jack Tripper
A ThighMaster wearing a gold chain as Larry Dallas
And the ghosts of Audra Lindley, Norman Fell, and Don Knots as the three reasons for why the cast and crew will keep asking themselves if they heard something say “This isn’t cuuuuuuute.”
Honestly though, the chance of this sucking is very high. At the very least, I hope they remember to unsuccessfully replace Chrissy Snow’s character two times through the movie.