Since Taylor Swift is on the current cover of Vogue (looking like a down-and-out Ramona Quimby), she took part in their 73 Questions series. Whenever Vogue goes to a celebrity’s house for that 73 Questions thing, it always starts off like porn. When the Vogue person rings the doorbell, I expect whoever is on the other side to open the door and say something like, “Are you here for the cum fiesta?” But 73 Questions with Taylor Swift will only give you the tingles if you’re into ugly wallpaper porn, trophy porn and gaudy kitchen faucet porn. So in other words, this video will only give you the tingles if your government name is Taylor Alison Swift.
All of these 73 Questions videos are about as choreographed and calculated as every single move Taylor Swift makes, so this is perfect for her. While giving the Vogue dude a mini-tour of her Beverly Hills house (which screams “new money memaw“), Taylor makes sure he gets shots of all of her awards (see: above) and plugs her new favorite scissor sister Apple twice, calls herself very “spontaneous” (HA!), plugs Diet Coke (another brand she gets paid to pimp out) and once again labels herself as the country’s #1 slut-shaming victim! Here’s a few of her answers:
What’s something that moved her recently: “The movie The Martian.”
A movie that made her cry her eyes out: “Oh my god, The Martian.”
Proudest accomplishment: “My Grammys.”
Best gift: “My boyfriend planted an olive tree in my backyard for Christmas.”
What song does she wish she wrote: “The Friends theme song cause of those royalties.”
What would she say to her 19-year-old self: “If I could talk to myself at 19, I would say, ‘Hey, you’re gonna date just like a normal 20-something should be allowed to, but you’re going to be a national lightning rod for slut-shaming.’”
Her advice to anybody who wants to become a singer: “Get a good lawyer.”
Since she loves The Martian so much, everyone should put their money together to make her dreams come true by sending her to Mars. But really, at least she’s keeping it 100% real with that lawyer comment. In life, there are certain things that will happen to all of us. We’re all going to die and we’re all going to get a cease and desist from Taylor Swift at least once. I’m surprised that during the video, she didn’t point at one of her chairs and say, “Bought that with the settlement I got from those thieving Etsy bitches.”
And here’s all 9 plus minutes of 73 Questions with Taylor Swift, in case you already watched a 10-minute-long video of paint drying and need something else to pass the time with.