Barnaby Joyce Finally Gives His Review Of Johnny Depp’s Tour De Force Performance In That Apology Video

April 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Strangely enough, that animal friend (the one on the left) is doing a spot-on impersonation of Johnny Depp in that apology video.

Barnaby Joyce was Australia’s agriculture minister when Johnny Depp and Amber Heard became the country’s most wanted criminals by smuggling in their Yorkies. Barnaby Joyce threatened to snuff Boo and Pistol out if Johnny didn’t take their illegal asses back to California. Barnaby called Johnny a “two-time Sexiest Man Alive” when talking to the media. Barnaby is now Australia’s deputy prime minister and even though he switched positions, he’s still the country’s reigning secretary of messiness. I’m guessing he’s like Australia’s answer to Rob Ford sans all that crack-smoking stuff. Although, judging by that picture, it looks like he injects the bad shit directly into his eyeball veins.

But anyway, when Australia released that masterpiece video of the Bonnie and Clyde of the Yorkie smuggling game fake apologizing to the country as their pus-filled egos throbbed with pain, I waited and waited for Barnaby Joyce to open the library and read them. He finally did.

Deputy PM Barnaby went on the show Sunrise where he denied that he was the one who forced them to do that video and he also gave Johnny’s performance a million thumbs down.

“I think he’s auditioning for ‘The Godfather’. He’s very good a playing every other person except Johnny Depp. As far as me directing that atrocious movie, no, I could have done a little bit better than that. ‘Do it again, Johnny, do it with gusto, mate! Rise to the camera, old trout, rise to the camera.'”

Deputy PM Barnaby also told ABC News that in that video, Johnny’s “going off like a frog in a sock.

Urban Dictionary tells me that this is the definition for “old trout”:

An older woman, delusional about her sexual allure, who dresses, flirts or otherwise behaves in a manner inconsistent with her age and appearance.

I know that Johnny took that video as seriously as he takes letters from the CDC begging him to take a bath, but still. The government makes him and Amber make that video and then the deputy PM drags his performance. Oh, Barnaby Joyce, you cantankerous salmon, you! Please stop being DM so you can devote all of your time to a TV show where you critique all of Johnny Depp’s performances. And no, I don’t know what “cantankerous salmon” means, but I’m guessing it has to be an Australian phrase.

And here’s Johnny and Amber’s hostage video again, because it needs to be seen at least once a day:

Pic: AP

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