Johnny Depp And Amber Heard Give The Performances Of Their Careers In This Hostage, I Mean, Apology Video
Thank you to Australia for starting this Monday off right with a heaping serving of extra greasy schadenfreude topped with a dollop of chunky cringe. Amber Heard and dirty clump of drain hair Johnny Depp were in a Gold Coast courtroom this morning for the case of the century! Amber was charged with two accounts of illegally importing pooches after she and Johnny Depp shat on Australia’s quarantine laws by smuggling their Yorkies Boo and Pistol into the country on a private jet. Australia law states that dogs coming in from foreign countries must be put into quarantine for at least 10 days. Boo and Pistol are registered in Amber’s name, so she’s the trick who went down and was hit with charges.
Amber said last year that she planned to spit out a not guilty plea in court, but I guess she didn’t want to risk getting thrown into an Australian prison cell and miss out on serving up her try hard pose game at events. Because CNN says that she pleaded guilty to falsifying quarantine documents. The Yorkie smuggling charges were dropped. The court gave Amber an extra, extra light swat on the wrist by sentencing her to a one-month good behavior bond. If she breaks the bond, she’ll have to pay a fine of 1,000 Australian dollars.
Amber’s lawyers told the court that she had the tireds when she filled out the immigration forms after arriving in Australia and she thought her assistant was the one handling Boo and Pistol’s travel stuff. The best part of all of this was the apology video that Johnny and Amber were forced to make. It’s like watching two spoiled ass brats apologizing to the kid they bullied as their moms watch. Watching the embalmed dried prune that is Johnny Depp trying to give one fuck while talking about Australia’s biosecurity laws just made my entire week. To achieve that concerned in the face look, Johnny’s acting coach probably told him to slowly push out a fart while shooting this public display of awkward. It looks like he’s being forced to watch Mortdecai. Not since Cry-Baby has Johnny Depp given such a multi-layered performance!
And I bet that somewhere off camera, Barnaby Joyce (Australia’s agriculture minister who was called a “fame whore” by Amber and got threatened with an ass kicking by Johnny) was holding a gun to Johnny’s favorite scarf while saying, “With feeling, bitch! With feeling! Or the scarf gets it!”