In that picture, the part of me is being played by the cross-eyed dude on the left making a “Can you believe these wrecks?” face.
As most of you know, I am a 12-year-old trapped in the body of a grown skinny fat gay dude. I have the maturity of one (no offense to the maturity of a 12-year-old), the humor of one and like many of them, I am glued to my phone like it’s more important than any of my internal organs (and it is). I hardly misplace my phone, but when I do, I want to call the police and beg them to issue an AMBER ALERT on that bitch. Because if they did, my own phone would scream out that loud AMBER ALERT alarm and I’d be able to find it.
But even though my hands are stuck to my phone like it’s a 9″ peen, I still let it go and put it away when I’m at the movies. But some tricks can’t do that and there’s always at least one rude bitch who has to annoy everyone in their area with a douche signal (aka a beam of light shooting off of a cell phone in a dark movie theater). AMC obviously knows that some inconsiderate messes can’t resist the urge to text during a movie and yesterday, they thought out loud about possibly letting those chronic texters text in some theaters. It went over as well as a wet fart during a salad tossing.
Adam Aron took over as the CEO of AMC just four months ago and he’s already been making big movies including buying Carmike Cinemas. While talking to Variety at CinemaCon in Las Vegas, Adam Aron talked about the future of movie-going and said that they were considering making certain auditoriums “text friendly” for phone-addicted millennials. It was another thing to file under “You Millennials Ruin Everything!”
Would appealing to millennials involve allowing texting or cellphone use?
Yes. When you tell a 22-year-old to turn off the phone, don’t ruin the movie, they hear please cut off your left arm above the elbow. You can’t tell a 22-year-old to turn off their cellphone. That’s not how they live their life.
At the same time, though, we’re going to have to figure out a way to do it that doesn’t disturb today’s audiences. There’s a reason there are ads up there saying turn off your phone, because today’s moviegoer doesn’t want somebody sitting next to them texting or having their phone on.
Would you have a certain section for texting?
That’s one possibility. What may be more likely is we take specific auditoriums and make them more texting friendly.
After that thought floated out of Adam Aron’s brain and onto Variety’s site, AMC got hit with a wave of pure hate from customers. So Adam Aron took that thought back and stuffed it into the file bin in his brain marked “bad ideas.” AMC tweeted out a statement today saying that they’ve changed their minds:
NO TEXTING AT AMC. Won't happen. You spoke. We listened. Quickly, that idea has been sent to the cutting room floor. pic.twitter.com/JR0fo5megR
— AMC Theatres (@AMCTheatres) April 15, 2016
You know, the whole “text friendly auditorium” thing wasn’t that bad of an idea. Let those rude texting monsters be rude texting monsters together. But if they do that, they should devote entire auditoriums to other kinds of interruptions. There should be an entire auditorium for loud ass and gross open-mouthed popcorn chompers. There should also be an auditorium for people who breathe too loud and oldies who narrate the movie to each other like they’re a couple of David Attenboroughs and we’re stuck in an episode of Planet Earth. And lastly, there should be an auditorium for us tramps who like to give our date a sloppy hand job without some prude complaining when a load of dick milk lands on their leg.