Kevin the Robot has made his last lonely visit to jail. [Robot voice] “Thank god. I was getting a little tired of being asked to smuggle in cigarettes in my battery slot.” According to TMZ, Dustin Diamond’s four-month trip to jail is over. Screech from Saved By The Bell went to jail back in January for stabbing a dude with a switchblade at a bar in Wisconsin in 2014 and got four months behind bars for it. But Screech won’t serve all four months, because Screech has been a good boy. (Ew, did I just type a sentence more barf-making than Screech’s sex tape? Maybe.)
Higher-ups at the Wisconsin jail where Dustin Rhinestone was held tell TMZ that Dustin was released one month early for “good behavior.” Why do I get the feeling that “good behavior” is code for “he was annoying our asses just as much as he used to annoy the gang at Bayside.” No, apparently Screech got a month of jail time deleted from his sentence by cleaning floors and doing laundry. I guess this is technically the first time Screech didn’t stick around long past his expiration date (see: Saved By The Bell: The New Class), so good for him?
No word on what Dustin has planned now that he’s been released, but I’m hoping it doesn’t involve stabbing anyone else at a bar with a switchblade. Maybe the Hot Sundaes will help him stay on the straight and narrow (or whatever road doesn’t end with poo porn and knives) by hiring him as their tour manager. Or maybe he could mentor future has-beens on the dangers of knife play. “Trust me, Iggy Azalea, it’s not worth it!”