Wait, Liberace’s Ghost Is In The New “Star Wars” Movie?

April 7, 2016 / Posted by:

Or is that Walter Mercado? If that’s Walter Mercado in his big-screen debut, then let me find a credit card with some room on it, because I need to buy my ticket from Fandango now!

Millions of nerd Underoos are probably covered in dried yellow spots this week and it’s all because of two things. First, the nerds learned that one day soon, they may be able to meet their dream girlfriend (aka ScarJoSexBot) and second, the trailer for Disney’s latest Star Wars movie was jizzed onto the Internet early this morning. The trailer really should’ve been a shot of a Disney executive stroking millions of dollars out of C3Po’s dick, but they decided to show scenes from the actual movie instead.

Star Whores: The Rouge One (Side note: Star Whores: The Rouge One would be a perfect title for a Harald Gloockler biopic) doesn’t come out until December, but there’s a law in Hollywood that states that every big-budget blockbuster must release at least 4,567 trailers before it comes out. So Disney has to get busy.

The Internet tells me that Star Wars: Rogue One takes place sometime between Star Wars: Episode III and Star Wars: Episode IV. Sarah Michelle Gellar look-alike Felicity Jones is the lead of a cast that also includes Mexican hot piece Deigo Luna, Ben Mendelsohn (aka the train wreck brother from Bloodline), Forest Whitaker, Mads Mikkelsen, Genevieve O’Reilly and Alan Tudyk.

Apparently, the fierce and fabulous imperial bitch in the white cape is Ben Mendelsohn. There better be a scene where Ben shows us the secret to how he keeps his whites so blindingly white while walking on dirty water and fighting tricks.

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