Jennifer Lawrence did another interview, and usually when that happens, she mouth farts about all the stuff that comes out of her body. We know that Jennifer Lawrence has a habit of turning sinks into Kim Kartrashian’s ass cheeks and that she’s a puker who pukes a lot. Well, Jennifer Lawrence is talking about her puke technique again and this time she did it during an interview with Harper’s Bazaar. Don’t worry, JLaw also talked about other things and strangely enough, those other things didn’t include how her queefs sound like a walrus playing a recorder backwards or how she uses her snot as lip gloss sometimes.
I too love to talk about farts and stuff that comes out of our bodies (“We know” – anybody who has read this blog), so I can’t totally hate on Jennifer Lawrence for that, and honestly, on a scale of “My Eyes Didn’t Roll Once” and “My Eyes Rolled Out Of Their Sockets And Now I Can’t See,” this interview falls toward the former for me. Besides talking about being an ultra dramatic violent puker, she also talked about her gender wage gap essay and her body:
On speaking out about the gender wage gap issue: “I had no idea it was going to blow up like that,” she recalls. “And I obviously only absorbed the negative. I didn’t pay any attention to the positive feedback. My parents get really upset. They do not like me speaking out about anything political because it’s hard to see your kid take criticism. But, really, people who criticized it are people who think women should not be paid the same as men. So I don’t really care what those people think.”
On Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais joking about how she, a 25-year-old multi-millionaire, complained about equal pay for women: “I try not to be too sensitive to the ‘poor rich girl’ jokes. I was saying my reality is absolutely fabulous, but it is not the reality of a lot of women in America. That’s what I’m talking about.”
On how she hates it when people say she has a normal body because she knows her body isn’t normal: “I would like us to make a new normal-body type. Everybody says, ‘We love that there is somebody with a normal body!’ And I’m like, ‘I don’t feel like I have a normal body.’ I do Pilates every day. I eat, but I work out a lot more than a normal person. I think we’ve gotten so used to underweight that when you are a normal weight it’s like, ‘Oh, my God, she’s curvy.’ Which is crazy. The bare minimum, just for me, would be to up the ante. At least so I don’t feel like the fattest one.”
And finally, on how her puking style is “awkward modern dancer getting electrocuted“: “I don’t really stay out late. I’m kind of a bummer. I’m a nana. It’s hard to get me out, and when I do go out I don’t really stay out late. If I do stay out late and I’m partying hard, I will throw up. I don’t have the tolerance to black out; I just start puking.
Ask Emma Stone. It was the night we saw Adele in L.A. She just started rubbing my back. She was really sweet. I was like, ‘Get out of here. It’s so gross.’ Woody [Harrelson] cut his foot. He stayed over in one of my guest bedrooms, but that’s where I started puking. I broke a candle because I can’t just puke like a normal person—I flay my arms everywhere. And I didn’t clean it up because I’m an asshole. The next day he cut his foot open. I was like, ‘Fuck, am I going to get sued?’ And he’s like, ‘Are you going to ask if I’m okay?’ “
Okay, my eyes did roll to the left and back again while reading that last quote. When are these drunk pukers going to learn that they’re lightweight bitches who need to stay in their lane? Their lane being, “Nurse that one white wine spritzer all night.” They always have to ruin it for everyone. One minute your drunk ass is rolling out the sweet moves on the dance floor, and the next minute you’re escorting your lightweight friend to the bathroom because they need to puke. If I find myself in a bathroom stall at a club, I want to be stroking a stranger’s peen. I don’t want to be stroking my barfing friend’s head because they can’t handle their booze.
Pic: Mario Sorrenti/Harper’s Bazaar