“Oooh, if you need any help, give me a call. I love a good trademark lawsuit!” texted Taylor Swift to Beyonce.
According to the Daily Mail, a company named Feyoncé Inc has found themselves in some legal trouble with her holiness Beyonce. You see, just like Taylor Swift and many other artists who care deeply about dollars, Beyonce trademarked a bunch of stuff to protect her bank account from people not named Beyonce looking to make a buck off her name. One company in Texas clearly thought they found a loophole and started selling stuff with the word “Feyoncé” (pronounced like “fiancé“) on it in the same font Beyonce uses. Stuff like mugs, t-shirts, hoodies – basically anything a recently-engaged Beyhive member would buy to use as a prop in one of the 1,293 engagement pictures they’d upload to Facebook.
The Daily Mail says that once Beyonce found out about Feyoncé Inc, she called on the only thing in her life more powerful than the industrial-strength wig glue she uses to make sure her lacefronts don’t pop off: HER LAWYERS. Beyonce has slapped Feyoncé Inc with a lawsuit accusing them of selling illegal merchandise. She has also demanded a federal court injunction preventing them from selling any more merchandise. If Feyoncé’s currently-dead website is any indication, I’d say Beyonce was successful with that injunction.
Not only does Beyonce want Feyoncé Inc to stop making money off her name, she’s also looking for the money they already made. According to the lawsuit, Beyonce is asking for 100% of the profits that Feyoncé Inc made from whatever they sold, plus damages for using her name.
Beyonce doesn’t own a trademark on the word Feyoncé or the words “He put a ring on it.” However, Beyonce’s lawyers are arguing that the song “Single Ladies” is one of the best-selling singles of all time and a “symbol of female empowerment” that people know the lyrics to. Basically, they’re saying that everyone knows “He put a ring on it” is a pretty blatant reference to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies.”
As for the word Feyoncé, they say that’s a pretty obvious play on Beyoncé, and that the styling is pretty much exactly the same. Not to mention that putting a ring on it would technically make someone a feyoncé/fiancé, which is again another reference to the theme of “Single Ladies.”
Since Beyonce has access to all the best lawyers on the Illuminati’s legal retainer, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that Feyoncé Inc is, how you say, totally fucked. So let this be a warning to you Lululemon: now is not the time to release a special capsule collection of ass-lifting yoga pants called Climbing Plant Playground.