It feels like as soon as 2016 was born on January 1st at 12:01am, it dropped massive amounts of acid and has kept dropping massive amounts of acid, because bitch has taken us for a wild trip and the year isn’t even halfway over yet. Recently, 2016 gave us a bizarre Twitter fight about Hillary Clinton between grown person Debra Messing and fellow grown person Susan Sarandon (and Debra MESSing is still at it). Well, 2016 has once again gone over to the box marked “Random As Fuck Feuds” and randomly pulled out two names: Azealia Banks and Sarah Palin. The way that this year has been going, I fully expect to hear about a back alley knife fight between Emmanuel Lewis and Carrot Top before 2017 begins.
This wreck all started when Azealia Banks took a fake Sarah Palin article as fact. In the satirical article, Mama Grizzly was quoted as saying that black people liked being slaves. Instead of using her fingers to Google to see if the article was real, Azealia Banks used her fingers to tweet out some potent messiness. Azealia dropped (and later deleted) these air kisses to Sarah Palin on Twitter:
Sarah Palin’s kind of like Bloody Mary. When you mention her three times on social media, she’ll pop up. But instead of cutting your face through the mirror, she’ll do you worse. She’ll write a long ass response and milk the situation like Bristol Palin milking a raw peen. Sarah wrote a long open letter to Azalea Banks on Facebook where she started off with some hip Mama Grizzy talk:
Hey Female Rapper – listen up, little darling. No one has any idea what you’re wigging out about in these bizarre, violent rants against me, but you’re obviously not exercising enough intelligence to acknowledge you’ve been sucked into believing some fake interview in which I supposedly offered comments representing the antithesis of my truth.
In this life, you’re blessed to have been given an influential platform. So have I. Why don’t we strengthen both our platforms and work together on something worthwhile – like condemning racism, along with empowering young women to defend themselves against a most misogynist, degrading, devastating assault perpetrated by evil men – rape.
Thanks. And now I’ll go through my young daughter’s playlist to make sure there hasn’t been any inadvertent addition of any anti-woman, pro-rape garbage that you seem to endorse, which perpetuates the cultural challenges we face in America. I encourage other parents to do the same.
God bless you Ms. Banks, as you consider a change of heart.
I used to think that the only thing I’d ever agree with Sarah Palin on would be fashion since she is the forever First Lady of ‘Murican Style. I mean, if Sarah told me the sky was blue, I would find a way to not side with her. If Sarah called me a dirty, diseased slut, I’d resist the urge to scratch at my crabs and genitals warts while calling her a liar. But thanks to Azealia Banks, I’ve actually sided with Sarah Palin on something other than fashion. I will never forgive Azealia for that. And there’s more…
Azealia wrote a long apology letter to Sarah Palin on Tumblr where she called Mama Grizzly “misunderstood” and “charismatic.” Azealia also said that she really, really likes Sarah Palin. If you really need to read the entire thing, click here. But I’ve copy + pasted a piece of it below:
Now since learning that the article was not published officially, I sincerely apologize for any emotional distress or reputational scarring i may have caused you.
In my honest defense, i was completely kidding. I happen to have a really crass, New-York-City sense of humor, and regularly make silly jokes in attempts make light of situations which make me uncomfortable. As the fabric of the American Nation is EMBEDDED with racism, I merely made a raCIALly driven joke to counter what i believed to be real, raCIST rhetoric. Also, i never said you should be raped. I used the term “run a train,” which is slang for group sex, NOT for “rape.” There are many distinctions between the two. As a woman, I would never trivialize something as lewd and criminal to provide myself any sort of comic relief because it simply… just isn’t funny. (and no, urbandictionary.com is not a reputable source of information to seek clarity on the aforementioned dichotomy).
Sarah Palin didn’t pick up the apology that Azealia threw down. Instead, Sarah told People that she’s planning to throw a lawsuit at Azealia. The saddest/funniest part is that she thinks she’s actually going to get money:
I’ve had enough of the unanswered threats and attacks against my family and me. So, for the first time I’m going to enjoy the only retribution some protected ‘celebrities’ seem to understand – I’m suing Azealia Banks and can’t wait to share my winnings with others who have gone defenseless against lies and dangerous attacks far too long.
And since Azealia has nothing better to do, she has already responded with a giant load of delusion as well as a threat to all of humanity!
LOL, if Sarah Palin actually decides to sue me i'll only use the controversy to make myself an even larger American Cultural Figure.
— AZEALIABANKS (@AZEALIABANKS) April 5, 2016
There’s only one solution to this: As soon as Sarah Palin and Azealia Banks go into the same court room, everyone needs to clear out real fast and lock them in there. We won’t open the doors until they finish fighting to the death! But then again, they’d probably realize that they both feed off of the same thing, attention, and join forces. Fuck me dead, we’re doomed.