Don’t hate Charlize Theron for looking beautiful even while suffering from coke burn (see: picture above).
To think, us average-faced homelies used to think that all of you tall, gorgeous people have it so easy. You mostly get hired for a job over an ugly troll. You get promotions quicker too. You also don’t even have to think about bringing your wallet to the bar, because some trick will always buy you a cup of the sweet nectar. And whenever you want hot dick, you just swipe right and BOOM, hot dick lands in your lap. Sometimes when I’m in a long ass line at Trader Joe’s, I wish that I was hot, because then I’d be able to cut in front of all of the dowdy regulars. They’d be happy about it too, because then they’d have a better view of my beauty. But you know, I don’t think that gorgeous people have it good anymore. Charlize Theron, the Martin Luther King Jr. of tall, gorgeous people, has exposed fugly people privilege and opened up our eyes to the suffering of the beautiful ones!
While pushing The Huntsman: Winter’s War in the new issue of British GQ, Charlize says that when she was first started out in Hollywood, she learned that all the good roles went to the non-pretty types while the gorgeous Amazons (who wore gowns to auditions for some reason) were shown the exit door.
“Jobs with real gravitas go to people that are physically right for them and that’s the end of the story. How many roles are out there for the gorgeous, fucking, gown-wearing eight-foot model? When meaty roles come through, I’ve been in the room and pretty people get turned away first.”
“Finally, someone gets me!” – Jessica “2 Sexy 2 Act” Biel
Charlize also talked about what society thinks about older women:
“We live in a society where women wilt and men age like fine wine. And, for a long time, women accepted it. We were waiting for society to change, but now we’re taking leadership. It would be a lie to say there is less worry for women as they get older than there is for men… It feels there’s this unrealistic standard of what a woman is supposed to look like when she’s over 40.”
But back to the plight of the pretty…
You could say that Charlize stole a role from an ugly when she did Monster, but I honestly can’t see anybody other than Charlize doing that role. I did read that Patty Jenkins, Monster’s director, said that she knew Charlize would be open enough to play Aileen Wuornos, because Charlize let the filmmakers of The Devil’s Advocate shoot a close-up of her runny nose. So, note to gorgeous actress: snot on camera!
I also know that Charlize Theron lost the lead role in Showgirls to Elizabeth Berkley. So, Charlize and her gorgeous face and eight-foot-tall body can fuck themselves, because she obviously just called Elizabeth Berkley “not pretty” since the role of Nomi Malone is the second meatiest role in cinematic history! The first being Cristal Conners, of course. In the wise, poetic words of Nomi Malone (aka the meaty role of a lifetime that Charlize lost to a better and more gorgeous actress), “Fucker, fuck off, Charlize!”