Hot Slut Of The Day!

Chi Chi, the Chihuahua whose crazy human spent thousands of dollars on her bachelorette party and is going to spend thousands more on her wedding!

Martin sent this important story to me yesterday, and probably because he knows that this is my future. The joke’s on him, because this is my past. When you’ve got a Chihuahua, no life and a weekend full of zero plans, you take yourself to Party City, buy all the clearance section wedding decorations they have and throw your pooch a lavish ceremony between him and his favorite hump toy. And then you cry at the bottom of your shower over what’s become of your life. It’s normal! But Helen Turner, a dog grooming salon owner from a town called Burnley in Lancashire, England, has taken shit to new levels of opulent messiness.

Helen tells the BBC that her Chihuahua, Chi Chi, fell in love with a Pomeranian named Harvey after meeting him at a dog show three years ago. They don’t live that close to each other, so they have one of those long distance relationships where they keep their love alive through FaceTime dates. Helen claims that after three years together, Chi Chi and Harvey decided to make honest poochies out of each other and are getting married. The wedding is supposedly happening in September and Helen says it’s going to cost around $28,000. I can pretty much hear the sound of everyone crying while thinking about how they could pay off their students loans with the money that’s paying for a wedding between two dogs who don’t give a shit about that crap and would be happy with a few Snausages and an ass to sniff.

Of course, every bride needs a bachelorette party, so Helen threw one for Chi Chi and sold the pictures to a photo agency. (Just call Helen Turner the British Pimp Mama Kris of purse dogs.) According to Metro UK, Chi Chi’s hen party cost Helen around $8,500. Helen spent that cash on two cakes, doggy spa treatments, hotel rooms for her 9 human guests (and 6 dog friends), a party planner, a limo, dog costumes, catering and a shirtless butler. I know it’s obvious that Helen really threw that party for herself, but it becomes really obvious when you see that the shirtless butler is a human man! Couldn’t Helen have found a buff shirtless dog for Chi Chi? I doubt Chi Chi’s into disgusting bestiality shit.

Here’s Helen telling us about the hen party and wedding of the year!

I really hope that Chi Chi’s lavish wedding is televised, because I can tell it’s going to be dramatic. When she FaceTimes with Harvey, she can’t even look at him! Chi Chi has a secret and I’m sure that secret involves her being in love with a b-hole belonging to another dog’s ass. I need to see as Chi Chi suddenly gets cold paws on the altar and runs down the aisle only to stop to piss on a guest’s shoe before running all the way out of there.