The meaning of random has been dick slapping me in the face all day today. First, we got Debra Messing putting the MESS in her last name by having a tweet war with Susan Sarandon over Hillary Clinton and then we got Fabio using his gorgeous mane to slap the Kartrashians down. And now, we’ve got a rumor about how Wendi Deng is motor-boating the juicy pair of diabolical billionaire tits attached to Vladimir Putin. Puti-Deng might actually be a real thing. Um, the universe does know that April Fool’s pranks are supposed to be pranks and not shit that’s true, right?
The truth is, it’s not that random since Wendi’s ex-husband is Rupert Murdoch and there was a rumor that she cheated on the human form of The Brain from Animaniacs with former Prime Minster of the United Kingdom Tony Blair. So it seems like nothing makes Wendi Deng’s coochie throb and her ice heart crack open with feelings like her man pressing pause on their fuck times to take over a company and fire all of its employees or put a hit out on his enemies. Well, UsWeekly says that 47-year-old Wendi may have found her dream billionaire in the 63-year-old President of Russia Vladimir Putin. UsWeekly says that Russia’s maybe-future first lady and the Russian super villain are together and things are serious. Move over, Boris & Natasha, the world has an even more evil power couple!
Reports of the pair have been floating around for years, ever since their respective divorces in 2014 and 2013.
One insider close to the powerful leader tells Us Weekly the relationship is “serious.”
Putin, who divorced his first and only (so far) wife Lyudmila Shkrebneva in April 2014, and Wendi Deng have yet to confirm that they’ve joined forces for world domination. No, they didn’t meet on the dating site MegalomaniacsOnly.com. They probably met through friends. UsWeekly says that on Monday, Wendi was seen getting on the $35 million yacht belonging to her friend Roman Abramovich who is also friends with Putin.
I cannot wait until Puti-Deng faces off with Rupert Murdoch and his gold digging moll Jerry Hall in the middle of some opulent ballroom in Moscow somewhere. Both super villains will stare each other down while gently stroking their fluffy white cats as Wendi Deng looks devastatingly gorgeous in a coat made of the scalped hair of her man’s rivals and Jerry Hall looks even more devastatingly gorgeous in a shiny leather dress made of the skin of her man’s rivals. Putin will drop his fluffy white cat to offer Rupert a strange-smelling cocktail.
And Putin getting with Wendi Deng makes sense from a financial standpoint too. Putin can retire the entire Russian Ground Forces, because ten of them couldn’t match the strength and power of Ride Or Die Wendi!
But really, we all know how this is going to end. Wendi is going to break Putin’s evil heart when she dumps him for Kim Jong-un.