Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 30, 2016 / Posted by:

Jewel Secrets Ken!

Today’s HSOTD was supposed to be Jewel Secrets Barbie (one of the members of the Royal Court of 80s Barbies along with Peaches ‘N Cream, Loving You, etc…), but when I scrolled through pictures of her last night, I got a stage 10 case of the puckers and a cloud of glitter covered my eyeballs when I saw a picture of her partner in opulence! I completely forgot about him and yes, I slapped myself for that. My brain must have dropped the memory of Jewel Secrets Ken, because it couldn’t contain all that sparkly fabulousness for very long.

While Jewel Secrets Barbie wowed the minds of 80s children with her exquisite plastic jewels and her elegant gown (which doubled as a purse, which means her ass couldn’t walk while wearing it), I’m sure the minds of 80s children were triple wowed by the sight of Jewel Secrets Ken in all his magnificence. Jewel Secrets Ken looked like a Party Down cater waiter if that catering company was owned by Harald Gloockler. Jewel Secrets Ken also looked like Liberace’s pool boy turned kept piece who got plastic surgery and a glamour makeover to look like his sugar daddy. That 100% polyester Walter Mercado-like hair of glory + that fancy jagged hairline + those poop slug brows + that 80s Barry Manilow ensemble = PERFECTION! Jewel Secrets Ken was so damn fancy that if he had a b-hole, it’d be bedAZZled.

I have a feeling that Jewel Secrets Ken not-so-secret secret is that he wants to put his jewels on Earring Magic Ken’s face.

I bet many a Barbie wanted to be Jewel Secrets Ken’s beard. Yes, he’d drop them at 11pm to party with Ultra Hair Ken, but for a few hours, they’d get to bask in the splendor of his gorgeous gay lion mane.

Pics: HAD, Flickr, SATB, Pinterest, DOAD

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