Thanks to stranger-bitch-no-more Jessica Lowndes, none of us will ever trust anyone AGAIN, because she messed with our emotions and lied to us with that PR stunt that was blatantly a PR stunt to promote something. Jessica let it be known on Instagram today that she isn’t engaged to Jon Lovitz and the whole thing was just an early April Fool’s joke to get people to watch her video for “Deja Vu (Remix).” Two things:
1. I have to slow clap for Jessica Lowndes, because she managed to fool some messes into thinking that she’s actually fucking Jon Lovitz. And now more than two people (including me) actually know who Jessica Lowndes is.
2. But after I slow clap, I’m going to use my hands to flip her ass off, because I watched that wreck of a video and now I have the image of her swallowing Jon Lovitz’s jizz and Kanye-ing him in his juicy booty hole. I can practically hear the sound of both of those things.
And now I’m just waiting for Jessica Lowndes to announce that her messy song and messier music video are April Fool’s jokes too.