Jeremy Irons, aka that stuck-up brother-killing rat bastard Scar from The Lion King (as well as other things, I’m sure), has a lot of opinions pushing around in his head. I’m sure there are a bunch of harmless ones, like about scarves being the ultimate serious thespian accessory or how prayer hands are a much more sophisticated greeting than a tacky-ass wave. But the ones that end up coming out of his mouth are sometimes not as cute. Back in 2013, Jeremy hawked up a greasy thought wad about gay marriage possibly leading to fathers marrying their sons for tax reasons (an opinion he later tried to backpedal on). Well, now he’s got an opinion on abortions and marriage. And guess what? They’re the kind of opinions that he’s probably going to end up wishing he’d kept inside his head, tucked behind his brain stem along with that shit about gay marriage.
Apparently playing a gynecologist in Dead Ringers makes you qualified enough to give advice about abortions. During an interview with The Guardian, Jeremy said that while he’s a-ok with a woman’s right to choose, he’s super worried about where she’ll go after the abortion is done. Which, according to Jeremy, is HELL! Jeremy’s just looking out for your immortal soul, ladies. Although to be fair, Jeremy says that it’s not just his opinion; it’s also the opinion of the Catholic church and God. So don’t shoot the messenger, ok?
“Take abortion. I believe women should be allowed to make the decision, but I also think the church is right to say it’s a sin. Because sin is actions that harm us. Lying harms us. Abortion harms a woman – it’s a tremendous mental attack, and physical, sometimes. But we seem to get that muddled. In a way, thank God the Catholic church does say we won’t allow it, because otherwise nobody’s saying that it’s a sin.”
Back in September, Cool Pope Francis told priests that it’s probably time to ease up on women who confess to getting an abortion. But I guess Jeremy’s church must have forgotten to pin that memo to the bulletin board in the parish hall. Jeremy didn’t waste all his judgement on abortion-getters. He also gave The Guardian his thoughts on marriage. This may come as a total shock, but Jeremy isn’t exactly here for divorce. According to Jeremy, if you want out of your marriage, you better work, bitch.
“Our society is based on a Christian structure. If you take those religious tenets away, then anything goes and it will become terrible – and you usually get into trouble. If you want out, you’ve got to work for it.”
“Yes, you can be in love and raise a family wonderfully by not being married, but actually marriage does give us a strength, because it’s quite hard to get out of, and so it makes us fight more to keep it together. If divorce becomes dead easy – which it sort of has – then we don’t have that backup. Because, for everybody, relationships are hard.”
Sure, divorces have gotten easier. But they’re still a fucking headache. First you’ve got to drag a lawyer into it and then you gotta make sure you’ve got enough extra cash in the box under your mattress to keep paying them. Then you’ve got to figure out who gets the good stuff, like the unscratched DVD copy of Rhinestone and the collection of Princeton Gallery unicorns, while also trying to pawn off the bad stuff, like the couch with the taco sauce stain. I know Jeremy’s argument is that God wants you to fight to stay together, but honestly? I feel like even God would be like “Listen, I’m all for you splitting up, but you’ve got to decide if the inevitable fight over the unicorns is worth it.”