Henry Cavill has finally stopped burping up at the mouth about his 19-year-old girlfriend and #OscarsSoWhite and is talking about a topic many of us really care about: his naked ass body. Henry was on Late Night with Seth Meyers (via E!) last night and told the tale of how he ended up giving a golden shower show at the top of a Los Angeles hotel at three in the morning. Don’t worry, a Kartrashian was not involved.
Henry says that after he had gotten the role of Superman, he went to L.A. to meet with director Zack Snyder and Mark Twight, the trainer who gave him that man of steel body. Henry went out for dinner and drinks with his agent to celebrate officially getting the role, and he says that when he got back to his hotel, he immediately skipped into dreamland, because he was jet-lagged. Henry woke up at around 3 in the morning to the sound of his hotel door closing, and he realized that he was on the wrong side of it in the hallway. Henry also realized that he was dick-out naked. That hotel should expect to get a flood of calls from hard-up tricks who would like to apply for a position in their security camera footage archives department.
Henry says that he stumbled out the door in a half-sleep state, thinking that he was going into the bathroom. He blamed the layout of the hotel room on why his naked ass ended up in the hallway. And well, Henry still had to take a piss, so instead of peeing in the ice machine like any normal person with brains would do, he went up to the roof. Take it away, Henry!
“Naked and peeing in a hotel hallway is pretty bad. I was looking up and down the hallway and I was checking out pot plants of all sorts…I thought, ‘Do I pee in there? What if someone catches me? That’s pretty bad.’ I remembered there being a fire escape, and so I ran up this fire escape, because I knew there was a pool area on top and a tennis court. I thought, ‘Maybe there’s a bathroom up there.’ I ran up the fire escape to the roof and it turned out to be a tennis court, which was all closed off and I couldn’t get anywhere. This was around 3 a.m. I then thought, ‘I’ve got to pee. This is getting bad now.’ So, I just peed off the top of the hotel. I felt like a little boy again. Then it dawned on me that I hadn’t quite solved the problem because I was locked outside my hotel room naked—and on the roof now.”
Henry eventually went down to the lobby, and asked to be let into his room. Since it’s L.A. where that kind of messiness probably happens all the time, the front desk person barely blinked.
Oh yeah, I’m sure that’s what really happened. I’m sure it was really just a sleep stumble to Pee Pee Town gone wrong and not a hook up gone wrong. I’m sure that a drunken Henry didn’t pick up a hot piece in the bar and bring them back up to his hotel room where he got naked for them. Then when he realized they were actually a hooker whore and he refused to pay, they got into an argument and the hooker whore pushed him into the hallway all naked. The hooker got their things and left the room, making sure that the door closed behind them. They told a naked Henry to fuck off as they took the elevator down to the lobby. Henry was pissed in more ways than one and he wanted to get revenge, so he ran up to the roof and after the hooker came out of the building, he pissed all over their head. I’m sure that’s not what really happened, Henry!
And here’s Roof Pisser Henry with his mom and teenage girlfriend at the premiere of Superman vs Batman in London last night.