You’re actually looking at a picture of all three people from the title. On the left, we have Maria Bello. In the middle, we have Maria Bello’s now-former girlfriend Clare Munn. On the right, we have the 29-year-old she replaced her girlfriend with. However, this picture wasn’t taken during the Craigslist-style new partner parking lot exchange. It was taken at an event a year ago, when Maria was still with Clare. To quote The Ashleys from Recess, “Scandalous!”
Back in 2013, Maria Bello wrote an op-ed piece for The New York Times wherein she announced to the world that she’s bi and was dating her best friend, Clare. Obviously something happened between then and now, because UsWeekly says that Maria isn’t doing Clare anymore. They also say that for the past six months, she’s been having her 48-year-old business worked on by a 29-year-old actor/musician named Elijah Allan-Blitz.
One of Maria’s friends tells UsWeekly that Maria and Elijah were friends before they got together back in August. However, they didn’t mention whether or not Elijah is a scissor-dulling home wrecker of the highest order, which is really too bad, because that’s all a drama-loving trash rat like me cares about. Although if I had to guess, Clare probably figured it out long before it came to that. Besides “getting that dick“, there’s no good reason for why a 48-year-old woman would be in a just-friends situation with a 29-year-old aspiring actor/model pretty boy. Honestly, that sounds like a creative punishment thought up by a judge. “I sentence you to 100 non-sexual hours of listening to this millennial talk about how Diplo is a better DJ than Calvin Harris.”
Here are some more pictures of Maria and Clare and Elijah taken shortly before Elijah made the transition from third wheel to Maria Bello’s full-time boyfriend.