Night Crumbs

Her unicornie rainbow Hello Kitty Lisa Frank pink swan highness Mimi called overhead lighting “abusive” and she wants nothing to do with it. Overheard lighting is the waterboarding of illumination, darling! And after she said that, her internal organs managed to squeeze out the words, “You want to talk about abusive, hunty,” as they suffocated under ten layers of Spanx – Lainey Gossip 

54-year-old Eddie Izzard completed 27 marathons in just as many days. I would be impressed but I’m too busy eating my 27th peanut M&M in just as many seconds – Celebitchy

My thoughts and prayers are with the copies of Photoshop who are suffering from exhaustion after touching up Pamela Anderson’s pictures for Misguided Magazine – Drunken Stepfather

Important question: Would you fap to a Sumner Redstone sex tape? – WWTDD

NeNe Leakes thinks Tootie is too boring for the Real Housewrecks of Atlanta – Reality Tea 

Gal Gadot looks like she’s a cast member of Liberace on Ice! – Hollywood Tuna 

Or maybe Lindsay Lohan’s new regular just wants everyone to think he doesn’t have rubles falling out of his dick slit because he’s sick of White Oprah, Michael Lohan and all of her other family members begging him for money to pay their “medical bills” – The Superficial 

This dick slip reminds me that I really need to start watching soccer – (NSFW) OMG Blog

Having just suffered through the remake of Annie over the weekend, I have to say that this list is incomplete without Cameron “Auto-Tuned Cat Getting Strangled With An Electrical Cord” Diaz on it – Pajiba

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen are even more annoying than you originally thought- Jezebel

MiserAlba is at the beach – Popoholic

Selena Gomez got drunk, danced on a table and barfed all over her friend’s purse. So, she was basically you on any night of the weekend – IDLYITW

Jake Gyllenhaal and Jimmy Fallon gave each other slosh facials and yes, someone is definitely, definitely going to fap to it  – Towleroad

Hilary Swank is engaged to a man who she will forget to thank if she wins an Oscar again – HuffPo

Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom touched mouths while on vacation, and judging by what’s blooming up in his shorts, he’s into it – Popsugar

Adorable IS this bulldog not knowing what the hell is going on as a frog jumps all over his mug – The Berry 

And just like that, Chloe Grace Moretz earned herself a place in Taylor Swift’s burn book as an asshole trash face traitor – Just Jared

Pic: Splash