Sorry, Ted Cruz, But Caitlyn Jenner Never Endorsed You

March 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Caitlyn Jenner has been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting by her iPhone for Ted Cruz to call, and for some strange reason, he hasn’t. That doesn’t make sense. Weird, right? Maybe Ted Cruz is just so excited to call Caitlyn Jenner that every time he tries to do it, he hits the numbers on his phone so hard that the screen shatters and he has to get a new phone. Or maybe Donald Trump got his minions to hack into Caitlyn Jenner’s phone and block it from receiving calls from Ted Cruz. Trump doesn’t want Ted Cruz to get the Caitlyn Jenner endorsement because he wants the Caitlyn Jenner endorsement. It’s definitely one of those.

Caitlyn said in an interview with The Advocate that even though Ted Cruz gets a giant F minus when it comes to LGBT issues, she likes him the most. Caitlyn shoved her head straight up delusional’s asshole when she said that it’d be great if President Ted Cruz created a trans issues board and made her a trans ambassador. Caitlyn also said on her reality show that if Donald Trump became president, he’d be very good for women’s issues. Well, Caitlyn decided to clear some shit up during an interview with E! News. Caitlyn says that she never endorsed Donald Trump or Ted Cruz. But on the list of things that make her go “huh?”, the Ted Cruz campaign not calling her is on that list. Please skip into Caitlyn Jenner’s world of pure delusion:

“I never said that I endorsed Ted Cruz. I said I like him. He is a constitutionalist and I think we have to get our country back to something like that. Out of all the candidates, I also feel that as far as the LGBT community, he would probably be the worst and need the most help…… [I like him] because of his views to fix the country, not his views on trans issues. If that is the case, I would be at his front door. Have they contacted me? No—which I was kind of surprised.”

In the same episode of I Am Cait (or “I Am Canned,” which is what it might soon be called) where she nearly calls Trump a feminist icon, she also said that Hillary Clinton is a “fucking liar” and a “political hack.” But then three seconds later, Caitlyn posted a picture on Instagram of her smiling while posing with Hillary Clinton. Because you know, always throw your beliefs to the side for the sake of a photo-op! But really, I know what really happened now…..

Ted Cruz was probably going to call Caitlyn and offer her a position as a trans issues consultant of his campaign, but then he saw her happily posing with one of his opponents. Ted Cruz dumped Caitlyn’s number into the recycle bin as his heart broke, and that’s why his face looks like it’s ten seconds away from slipping off of his head into a pool of sadness on the floor. (“Err, hasn’t it always kind of looked like that?” – the Internet) So, Caitlyn, that’s why Ted Cruz hasn’t call you!

Pic: Getty

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